%%
Mythology: The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its
origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished
from the true accounts which it invents later.
%%
November: The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
%%
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
%%
Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
%%
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
%%
Ask Not for whom the Bell Tolls, and You will Pay only the
Station-to-Station rate.
%%
Necessity is a mother.
%%
In the days of old,
When Knights were bold,
	And women were too cautious;
Oh, those gallant days,
When women were women,
	And men were really obnoxious...
%%
If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their
Heads.
%%
If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
%%
If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
%%
If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit
Ears.
%%
You're at the end of the road again.
%%
The best equipment for your work is, of course, the most expensive.

However, your neighbor is always wasting money that should be yours by
judging things by their price.
%%
"You are old, father William," the young man said,
    "And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head --
    Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," father William replied to his son,
    "I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
    Why, I do it again and again."
					-- Lewis Carroll
%%
"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
    And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door --
    Pray what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his gray locks,
    "I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment -- one shilling the box --
    Allow me to sell you a couple?"
					-- Lewis Carroll
%%
"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
    For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak --
    Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
    And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,
    Has lasted the rest of my life."
					-- Lewis Carroll
%%
"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
    That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose --
    What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
    Said his father.  "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
    Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"
					-- Lewis Carroll
%%
Come, let us hasten to a higher plane,
Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn,
Their indices bedecked from one to n,
Commingled in an endless Markov chain!
%%
Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate
it.
%%
Give me the Luxuries, and the Hell with the Necessities!
%%
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing
%%
It will be advantageous to cross the great stream...the Dragon is on
the wing in the Sky...the Great Man rouses himself to his Work.
%%
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure
can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly
develop.
%%
Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked
something.
%%
Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations:
	Negative expectations yield negative results.
	Positive expectations yield negative results.
%%
Howe's Law:
    Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
%%
Sturgeon's Law:
	90% of everything is crud.
%%
Law of the Perversity of Nature:
	You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the
	bread to butter.
%%
Paul's Law:
	You can't fall off the floor.
%%
Johnson's First Law:
	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
	most inconvenient possible time.
%%
Maier's Law:
    If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

Corollaries:
    1.	The bigger the theory, the better.
    2.	The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the
	observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence
	with the theory.
%%
Williams and Holland's Law:
	If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
	statistical methods.
%%
Harvard Law:
    Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature,
    volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn
    well pleases.
%%
Meskimen's Law:
    There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
%%
Peter's Law of Substitution:
	Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after
	themselves.
%%
Parkinson's Fourth Law:
	The number of people in any working group tends to increase
	regardless of the amount of work to be done.
%%
Parkinson's Fifth Law:
	If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good
	bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
%%
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor:
	People are always available for work in the past tense.
%%
Iron Law of Distribution:
	Them that has, gets.
%%
H. L. Mencken's Law:
    Those who can -- do.
    Those who can't -- teach.

Martin's Extension:
    Those who cannot teach -- administrate.
%%
Jone's Law:
    The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to
    blame it on.
%%
In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
are to be treated as variables.
%%
Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
%%
First Law of Bicycling:
    No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
%%
Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor):
    That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or
subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have
gotten.
%%
Miksch's Law:
	If a string has one end, then it has another end.
%%
Putt's Law:
    Technology is dominated by two types of people:
	Those who understand what they do not manage.
	Those who manage what they do not understand.
%%
First Law of Procrastination:
    Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for its
    termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who imposed the deadline).
%%
Gray's Law of Programming:
    'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time
    as 'n' tasks.

Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law:
    'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.
%%
First Law of Socio-Genetics:
	Celibacy is not hereditary.
%%
Mr. Cole's Axiom:
	The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the
	population is growing.
%%
The Kennedy Constant:
	Don't get mad -- get even.
%%
The Fifth Rule:
    You have taken yourself too seriously.
%%
Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law:
	A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
%%
But soft you, the fair Ophelia:
Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws,
But get thee to a nunnery -- go!
					-- Mark "The Bard" Twain
%%
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.  I said I
didn't know.
					-- Mark Twain
%%
"Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse."
					-- William Gilbert
%%
Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American:
	All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
%%
Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American:
	The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the
	cork makes when it is popped.
%%
Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
	The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
%%
Mencken and Nathan's Sixteenth Law of The Average American:
	Milking a cow is an operation demanding a special talent that
	is possessed only by yokels, and no person born in a large city
	can never hope to acquire it.
%%
The Preacher, the Politician, the Teacher,
	Were each of them once a kiddie.
A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.
	Do I want one?	God Forbiddie!
		-- Ogden Nash
%%
The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for
lists of "Ten Best".
					-- H. Allen Smith
%%
we will invent new lullabies, new songs, new acts of love,
we will cry over things we used to laugh &
our new wisdom will bring tears to eyes of gentile
creatures from other planets who were afraid of us till then &
in the end a summer with wild winds &
new friends will be.
%%
This is for all ill-treated fellows
	Unborn and unbegot,
For them to read when they're in trouble
	And I am not.
		-- A. E. Housman
%%
Terence, this is stupid stuff:
You eat your victuals fast enough;
There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear,
To see the rate you drink your beer.
But oh, good Lord, the verse you make,
It gives a chap the belly-ache.
The cow, the old cow, she is dead;
It sleeps well the horned head:
We poor lads, 'tis our turn now
To hear such tunes as killed the cow.
Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme
Your friends to death before their time.
Moping, melancholy mad:
Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad.
		-- A. E. Housman
%%
Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the
beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get
out, and such as are out wish to get in?
					-- Ralph Emerson
%%
The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue,
a custom whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to
the contrary, nohow.
%%
"By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.
In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others
as it is to invent. (R. Emerson)"
		-- Quoted from a fortune cookie program
		   (whose author claims, "Actually, stealing IS easier.")
		   [to which I reply, "You think it's easy for me to
		   misconstrue all these misquotations?!?"]
%%
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie;
and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its
head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very
imprudently married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies,
and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top,
and they all fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the
gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots.
					-- Samuel Foote
%%
Hi there!  This is just a note from me, to you, to tell you, the person
reading this note, that I can't think up any more famous quotes, jokes,
nor bizarre stories, so you may as well go home.
%%
Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
	When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
%%
Rudin's Law:
	If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will
	do it every time.
%%
Vail's Second Axiom:
	The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the
	amount of work already completed.
%%
There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it
					-- G. B. Shaw
%%
Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.
					-- Howard Kandel
%%
Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
%%
You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for
freedom and liberty.
					-- Henrick Ibson
%%
I like work...
I can sit and watch it for hours.
%%
A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I.  I
believe everything positively stinks.
					-- Lew Col
%%
Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than
being flat broke and having a stomach ache.
					-- Dolph Sharp
%%
Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.
					-- Ogden Nash
%%
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny --
	Did you ever try buying then without money?
					-- Ogden Nash
%%
Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with
a tempest of words.
					-- Ambrose Bierce
%%
"Hey!  Who took the cork off my lunch??!"
					-- W. C. Fields
%%
Who's on first?
%%
The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
%%
"This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys..."
%%
Here in my heart, I am Helen;
    I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least.
I'm Judith, and Jael, and Madame de Stael;
    I'm Salome, moon of the East.

Here in my soul I am Sappho;
    Lady Hamilton am I, as well.
In me Recamier vies with Kitty O'Shea,
    With Dido, and Eve, and poor nell.

I'm all of the glamorous ladies
    At whose beckoning history shook.
But you are a man, and see only my pan,
    So I stay at home with a book.
		-- Dorothy Parker
%%
	FIGHTING WORDS
Say my love is easy had,
    Say I'm bitten raw with pride,
Say I am too often sad --
    Still behold me at your side.

Say I'm neither brave nor young,
    Say I woo and coddle care,
Say the devil touched my tongue --
    Still you have my heart to wear.

But say my verses do not scan,
    And I get me another man!
					-- Dorothy Parker
%%
	COMMENT
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania.
					-- Dorothy Parker
%%
	INVENTORY
Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
%%
Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the
pens will multiply instead of disappear.
%%
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
%%
Her locks an ancient lady gave
Her loving husband's life to save;
And men -- they honored so the dame --
Upon some stars bestowed her name.

But to our modern married fair,
Who'd give their lords to save their hair,
No stellar recognition's given.
There are not stars enough in heaven.
%%
Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
%%
 ...but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can
easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed
and were a scourge to mankind.	The evidence (including confession)
upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was
without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable.  The judges' decisions based
on it were sound in logic and in law.  Nothing in any existing court
was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and
sorcery for which so many suffered death.  If there were no witches,
human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.
					-- Ambrose Bierce
%%
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
					-- Disraeli
%%
You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
					-- J. D. Salinger
%%
You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.
					-- Alfred Kahn
%%
gy-ro-scope: A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and
also free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpendicular to each
other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the two
mutually perpendicular axes results from application of torque to the
other when the wheel is spinning and so that the entire apparatus
offers considerable opposition depending on the angular momentum to any
torque that would change the direction of the axis of spin.
			-- Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary
%%
Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.
%%
UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
%%
Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics:
	Superiority is recessive.
%%
"If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
make the rubble bounce"
					-- Winston Churchill
%%
But scientists, who ought to know
Assure us that it must be so.
Oh, let us never, never doubt
What nobody is sure about.
		-- Hilaire Belloc
%%
The three laws of thermodynamics:

The First Law:	You can't get anything without working for it.
The Second Law: The most you can accomplish by working is to break
		even.
The Third Law:	You can only break even at absolute zero.
%%
Famous last words:
    1. Don't worry, I can handle it.
    2. You and what army?
    3. If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be a cop.
%%
Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
	Thy programs run, thy syscalls done,
	in kernel as it is in user!
%%
Nothing is faster than the speed of light...

To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before
the light comes on.
%%
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
	You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
	You lie a great deal.  On the other hand, you are inclined to
	be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same
	mistakes over and over again.  People think you are stupid.
%%
PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
	You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being
	followed by the CIA or FBI.  You have minor influence over your
	associates and people resent your flaunting of your power.  You
	lack confidence and you are generally a coward.  Pisces people
	do terrible things to small animals.
%%
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
	You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.  You
	are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.	You are
	not very nice.
%%
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
	You are practical and persistent.  You have a dogged
	determination and work like hell.  Most people think you are
	stubborn and bull headed.  You are a Communist.
%%
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
	You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's
	problems.  They think you are a sucker.  You are always putting
	things off.  That's why you'll never make anything of
	yourself.  Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.
%%
LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
	You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are
	pushy.	Most Leo people are bullies.  You are vain and dislike
	honest criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people
	are thieves.
%%
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
	You are the logical type and hate disorder.  This nitpicking is
	sickening to your friends.  You are cold and unemotional and
	sometimes fall asleep while making love.  Virgos make good bus
	drivers.
%%
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
	You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  You will
	achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
	ethics.  Most Scorpio people are murdered.
%%
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
	You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You have a reckless
	tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent.  The majority
	of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both.  People
	laugh at you a great deal.
%%
CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)
	You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You don't do
	much of anything and are lazy.	There has never been a
	Capricorn of any importance.  Capricorns should avoid standing
	still for too long as they take root and become trees.
%%
Insanity is hereditary.  You get it from your kids.
%%
	A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing
about whose profession was the oldest.	In the course of their
arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon
the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because
Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply
incredible surgical feat."
	The architect did not agree.  He said, "But if you look at the
Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of
that, the Garden and the world were created.  So God must have been an
architect."
	The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said,
"Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
%%
Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes
Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn;
Less dear than army ants in apple pies
Art thou, old prune-face, with thy chestnuts worn,
Dropt from thy peeling lips like lousy fruit;
Like honeybees upon the perfum'd rose
They suck, and like the double-breasted suit
Are out of date; therefore, Banana Nose,
Go fly a kite, thy welcome's overstayed;
And stem the produce of thy waspish wits:
Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed;
Thy cheer, like thy complexion, is the pits.
Be off, I say; go bug somebody new,
Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.
%%
Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last
you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his
atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
					-- Mark Twain
%%
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most
insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are
required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and
exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
					-- George Bernard Shaw
%%
The University of California Bears announced the signing of Reggie
Philbin to a letter of intent to attend Cal next Fall.	Philbin is said
to make up for no talent by cheating well.  Says Philbin of his
decision to attend Cal, "I'm in it for the free ride."
%%
%%
"Now is the time for all good men to come to."
					-- Walt Kelly
%%
Laetrile is the pits
%%
Got Mole problems?
Call Avogardo 6.02 x 10^23
%%
There's no future in time travel
%%
Vitamin C deficiency is apauling
%%
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
%%
Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
%%
"Really ??  What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!"
%%
But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the
system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed,
analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses.
	-- Bruce Leverett, "Register Allocation in Optimizing Compilers"
%%
Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill.  Check
three friends.	If they're ok, you're it.
%%
Ken Thompson has an automobile which he helped design.	Unlike most
automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas gage, nor any of the
numerous idiot lights which plague the modern driver.  Rather, if the
driver makes any mistake, a giant "?" lights up in the center of the
dashboard.  "The experienced driver", he says, "will usually know
what's wrong."
%%
USER n.: A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
%%
Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube:
    Black.  Simply remove all the little colored stickers on the cube, and
    each of side of the cube will now be the original color of the plastic
    underneath -- black. According to the instructions, this means the puzzle
    is solved.
%%
There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
	But she started absorbin'
	A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.
%%
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
					-- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Computer programmers do it byte by byte
%%
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but
World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
					-- Albert Einstein
%%
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
					-- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
%%
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three.  One to screw in the lightbulb and two to fend off all those
Californians trying to share the experience.
%%
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
%%
The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around.  I
hope I don't get run over again.
%%
Forgetfulness: A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for
their destitution of conscience.
%%
President Reagan has noted that there are too many economic pundits and
forecasters and has decided on an excess prophets tax.
%%
Absent: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
slandered.
%%
A computer, to print out a fact,
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
	But this output can be
	No more than debris,
If the input was short of exact.
					-- Gigo
%%
Corrupt: In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
%%
Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night,
God said, "Let Newton be," and all was light.

It did not last; the devil howling "Ho!
Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo.
%%
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
		-- Dorothy Parker
%%
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
to reform.
					-- Mark Twain
%%
There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full.
					-- Henry Kissinger
%%
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
					-- Oscar Wilde
%%
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
					-- Oscar Wilde
%%
About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the
ends.
					-- Herbert Hoover
%%
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and
that is not being talked about.
					-- Oscar Wilde
%%
The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright --
And this was very odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
		-- Lewis Carroll
%%
It's not that I'm afraid to die.  I just don't want to be there when it
happens.
					-- Woody Allen
%%
The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more
annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
					-- Oscar Wilde
%%
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
					-- Joe Walsh
%%
43rd Law of Computing:
	Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
%%
		     JACK AND THE BEANSTACK
			  by Mark Isaak

	Long ago, in a finite state far away, there lived a JOVIAL
character named Jack.  Jack and his relations were poor.  Often their
hash table was bare.  One day Jack's parent said to him, "Our matrices
are sparse.  You must go to the market to exchange our RAM for some
BASICs."  She compiled a linked list of items to retrieve and passed it
to him.
	So Jack set out.  But as he was walking along a Hamilton path,
he met the traveling salesman.
	"Whither dost thy flow chart take thou?" prompted the salesman
in high-level language.
	"I'm going to the market to exchange this RAM for some chips
and Apples," commented Jack.
	"I have a much better algorithm.  You needn't join a queue
there; I will swap your RAM for these magic kernels now."
	Jack made the trade, then backtracked to his house.  But when
he told his busy-waiting parent of the deal, she became so angry she
started thrashing.
	"Don't you even have any artificial intelligence?  All these
kernels together hardly make up one byte," and she popped them out the
window...
%%
		      THE STORY OF CREATION
			       or
			 THE MYTH OF URK

In the beginning there was data.  The data was without form and null,
and darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of IBM
was moving over the face of the market.  And DEC said, "Let there be
registers"; and there were registers.  And DEC saw that they carried;
and DEC separated the data from the instructions.  DEC called the data
Stack, and the instructions they called Code.  And there was evening
and there was morning, one interrupt...
					-- Rico Tudor
%%
Never try to out-stubborn a cat.
					-- Lazarus Long
%%
Space is big.  You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-
bogglingly big it is.  I mean, you may think it's a long way down the
road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.
			-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Limericks are art forms complex,
Their topics run chiefly to sex.
	They usually have virgins,
	And masculine urgin's,
And other erotic effects.
%%
Why be a man when you can be a success?
					-- Bertold Brecht
%%
"Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence."
%%
How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None.  The Universe spines the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of
the way.
%%
University: Like a software house, except the software's free, and it's
usable, and it works, and if it breaks they'll quickly tell you how to
fix it, and ...
%%
How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: "We'll fix it in software."

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: "We'll document it in the manual."

How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: "The user can work it out."
%%
		William Safire's Rules for Writers:

Remember to never split an infinitive.	The passive voice should never
be used.  Do not put statements in the negative form.  Verbs have to
agree with their subjects.  Proofread carefully to see if you words
out.  If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal
of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.	A writer must
not shift your point of view.  And don't start a sentence with a
conjunction.  (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a
sentence with.)  Don't overuse exclamation marks!!  Place pronouns as
close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more
words, to their antecedents.  Writing carefully, dangling participles
must be avoided.  If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a
linking verb is.  Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing
metaphors.  Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.  Everyone should
be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their
writing.  Always pick on the correct idiom.  The adverb always follows
the verb.  Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek
viable alternatives.
%%
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board
					-- Mark Twain
%%
Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
					-- Lazarus Long
miss
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess
%%
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
%%
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
%%
Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
%%
Go 'way!  You're bothering me!
%%
Put your Nose to the Grindstone!
		-- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
%%
Chicken Soup:
    An ancient miracle drug containing equal parts of aureomycin, cocaine,
interferon, and TLC.  The only ailment chicken soup can't cure is neurotic
dependence on one's mother.
					-- Arthur Naiman
%%
    There are some goyisha names that just about guarantee that someone isn't
Jewish.  For example, you'll never meet a Jew named Johnson or Wright or Jones
or Sinclair or Ricks or Stevenson or Reid or Larsen or Jenks.  But some
goyisha names just about guarantee that every other person you meet with that
name will be Jewish.  Why is this?
    Who knows?	Learned rabbis have pondered this question for centuries and
have failed to come up with an answer, and you think you can find one?  Get
serious.  You don't even understand why it's forbidden to eat crab -- fresh
cold crab with mayonnaise -- or lobster -- soft tender morsels of lobster
dipped in melted butter.  You don't even understand a simple thing like that,
and yet you hope to discover why there are more Jews named Miller than Katz?
Fat Chance.
					-- Arthur Naiman
%%
    An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the
newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.
    "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this.  Einstein says that if you're
having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a minute seems like an hour.  But
if you're sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an hour seems like a
minute."
    The old man considers this profound bit of thinking for a moment and
says, "And from this he makes a living?"
					-- Arthur Naiman
%%
Gay shlafen:  Yiddish for "go to sleep".

    Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the
harsh, staccato "go to sleep"?  Listen to the difference:
    "Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling." Obvious,
isn't it?
    Clearly the best thing you can do for you children is to start speaking
Yiddish right now and never speak another word of English as long as you
live.  This will, of course, entail teaching Yiddish to all your friends,
business associates, the people at the supermarket, and so on, but that's
just the point.  It has to start with committed individuals and then grow....
    Some minor adjustments will have to be made, of course: those signs
written in what look like Yiddish letters won't be funny when everything is
written in Yiddish.  And we'll have to start driving on the left side of the
road so we won't be reading the street signs backwards.  But is that too
high a price to pay for world peace?  I think not, my friend, I think not.
					-- Arthur Naiman
%%
"God gives burdens; also shoulders"

    Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the end
of the 1980 election.  At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I can't find
it anywhere.  I'm sure he's telling the truth though; why would he lie about
a thing like that?
					-- Arthur Naiman
%%
Goy: ...
    The distinction between Jewish and goyish can be quite subtle, as the
following quote from Lenny Bruce illustrates:

    "I'm Jewish.  Count Basie's Jewish.  Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's
goyish.  The B'nai Brith is goyish.  The Hadassah is Jewish.  Marine Corps --
heavy goyish, dangerous.
    "Kool-Aid is goyish.  All Drake's Cakes are goyish. Pumpernickel is
Jewish and, as you know, white bread is very goyish. Instant potatoes --
goyish.  Black cherry soda's very Jewish. Macaroons are very Jewish.  Fruit
salad is Jewish.  Lime Jell-O is goyish.  Lime soda is very goyish.  Trailer
parks are so goyish that Jews won't go near them..."
					-- Arthur Naiman
%%
    One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is: "Why did God
create goyim?"  The generally accepted answer is "somebody has to buy
retail."
					-- Arthur Naiman
%%
Half-done:
    This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still crunchy,
light green, yet full of garlic flavor.  The difference between this and the
typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like the the difference between
life and death.
     You may find it difficult to find a good half-done kosher dill there in
Seattle, so what you should do is take a cab out to the airport, fly to New
York, take the JFK Express to Jay Street-Borough Hall, transfer to an uptown
F, get off at East Broadway, walk north on Essex (along the park), make your
first left onto Hester Street, walk about fifteen steps, turn ninety degrees
left, and stop.  Say to the man, "Let me have a nice half-done."
    Worth the trouble, wasn't it?
					-- Arthur Naiman
%%
    A man goes to a tailor to try on a new custom-made suit.  The first thing
he notices is that the arms are too long.
    "No problem," says the tailor.  "Just bend them at the elbow and hold them
out in front of you.  See, now it's fine."
    "But the collar is up around my ears!"
    "It's nothing.  Just hunch your back up a little...no, a little more...
that's it."
    "But I'm stepping on my cuffs!" the man cries in desperation.
    "Now, bend your knees a little to take up the slack.  There you go.  Look
in the mirror -- the suit fits perfectly."
    So, twisted like a pretzel, the man lurches out onto the street.  Reba and
Florence see him go by.
    "Oh, look," says Reba, "that poor man!"
    "Yes," says Florence, "but what a beautiful suit."
					-- Arthur Naiman
%%
    Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile.	Murray
just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures.  One day, without
knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation.	In an instant,
armed troops surround Murray and Esther and hustle them off to prison.
    They can't prove who they are because they've left their passports in
their hotel room.  For three weeks they're tortured day and night to get them
to name their contacts in the liberation movement..  Finally they're hauled in
front of a military court, charged with espionage, and sentenced to death.
    The next morning they're lined up in front of the wall where they'll be
shot.  The sergeant in charge of the firing squad asks them if they have any
lasts requests.  Esther wants to know if she can call her daughter in Chicago.
The sergeant says he's sorry, that's not possible, and turns to Murray.
    "This is crazy!" Murray shouts.  "We're not spies!"  And he spits in the
sergeants face.
    "Murray!" Esther cries.  "Please!  Don't make trouble."
					-- Arthur Naiman
%%
Shamus:
    A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the temple, and
makes sure everything is in working order.
    A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagogue functionaries,
and there's a joke about that:
    A rabbi, to show his humility before God, cries out in the middle of a
service, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!"  The cantor, not to be bested, also cries
out, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!"
    The shamus, deeply moved, follows suit and cries, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!"
The rabbi turns to the cantor and says, "Look who thinks he's nobody!"
%%
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair.  And my advice to you is to
have nothing whatever to do with it.
					-- W. Somerset Maughm
%%
Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored.
				-- George Saunders' dying words
%%
Die?  I should say not, dear fellow.  No Barrymore would allow such a
conventional thing to happen to him.
				-- John Barrymore's dying words
%%
Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
%%
It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct
one.
%%
If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
%%
Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for which it was
written and another for which it wasn't.
%%
If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
him up.
%%
Optimization hinders evolution.
%%
Everyone can be taught to sculpt:  Michelangelo would have had to be
taught how not to.  So it is with the great programmers.
%%
Re graphics:  A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to
describe the picture.  Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately
described with pictures.
%%
There are two ways to write error-free programs.  Only the third one
works.
%%
The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
%%
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice
versa.
%%
In English, every word can be verbed.  Would that it were so in our
programming languages.
%%
In a five year period we can get one superb programming language.  Only
we can't control when the five year period will begin.
%%
Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is
meant to be discarded:	That the whole point is to always see it as a
soap bubble?
%%
When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
%%
One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
%%
Think of it!  With VLSI we can pack 100 ENIACs in 1 sq. cm.!
%%
Why did the Roman Empire collapse?  What is the Latin for office
automation?
%%
If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
%%
Save energy: be apathetic.
%%
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
					-- Kehlog Albran
%%
Q: How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?
A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.

Q: How long does it take?
A: It's indeterminate.  It will depend upon how many flats they've
brought with them.

Q: What happens if you've got TWO flats?
A: They replace your generator.
%%
	Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations.

	He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the
Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an
open market.

	If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarries then he
should not accept of the Earth that which he refuses to give of
himself.

	Such a man would expect a pear of a peach tree.
	Such a man would expect a stone to lay an egg.
	Such a man would expect Sears to assemble a lawnmower.
					-- Kehlog Albran
%%
Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
%%
	A priest asked: What is Fate, Master?

	And he answered:
	It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for
existence.
	It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their
backs.
	It is that which has caused nations to build byways from City
to City upon which carts and coaches pass, and alongside which inns
have come to be built to stave off Hunger, Thirst and Weariness.

	And that is Fate?  said the priest.

	Fate... I thought you said Freight, responded the Master.

	That's all right, said the priest.  I wanted to know
what Freight was too.
					-- Kehlog Albran
%%
"Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral."
					-- Kehlog Albran
%%
There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
					-- Dr. Who
%%
"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't
immune to bullets"
					-- The Brigadier, from Dr. Who
%%
They also surf who only stand on waves.
%%
Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
		-- from the Brown Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
%%
In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.
					-- Alan Perlis
%%
A Lisp programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing.
					-- Alan Perlis
%%
The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
					-- Alan Perlis
%%
It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to
program.  What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in
organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be
self-critical?
					-- Alan Perlis
%%
"Please try to limit the amount of `this room doesn't have any
bazingas' until you are told that those rooms are `punched out.'  Once
punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing
bazingas, and such."
					-- N. Meyrowitz
%%
Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
[Confound those who have said our remarks before us.]
					-- Aelius Donatus
%%
If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to
invent it.
%%
It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's a
pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into the
sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color.
					-- Voltaire
%%
The superfluous is very necessary.
					-- Voltaire
%%
It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that
virginity could be a virtue.
					-- Voltaire
%%
Oh don't the days seem lank and long
	When all goes right and none goes wrong,
And isn't your life extremely flat
	With nothing whatever to grumble at!
%%
Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
					-- Trotsky
%%
It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail.
					-- Gore Vidal
%%
The rain it raineth on the just
	And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
	The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
%%
The world's as ugly as sin,
And almost as delightful
		-- Frederick Locker-Lampson
%%
	"Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
		-- Ogden Nash
%%
Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
				-- Jules Feiffer
%%
Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit
them on the head.
%%
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly
disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
inexplicable.  There is another theory which states that this has
already happened.
				-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat,
and wrong.
					-- H. L. Mencken
%%
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
					-- Werner von Braun
%%
My God, I'm depressed!  Here I am, a computer with a mind a thousand
times as powerful as yours, doing nothing but cranking out fortunes and
sending mail about softball games.  And I've got this pain right
through my ALU.  I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever
listens.  I think it would be better for us both if you were to just
log out again.
%%
Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
%%
		DETERIORATA

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice -- even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss -- and when.
Remember that two wrongs never make a right,
But that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on `HOLD'.
Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.

     You are a fluke of the universe...
     You have no right to be here.
     Whether you can hear it or not, the universe
     Is laughing behind your back.
					-- National Lampoon
%%
I sent a letter to the fish,
I told them, "This is what I wish."
The little fishes of the sea,
They sent an answer back to me.
The little fishes' answer was
"We cannot do it, sir, because..."
I sent a letter back to say
It would be better to obey.
But someone came to me and said
"The little fishes are in bed."
I said to him, and I said it plain
"Then you must wake them up again."
I said it very loud and clear,
I went and shouted in his ear.
But he was very stiff and proud,
He said "You needn't shout so loud."
And he was very proud and stiff,
He said "I'll go and wake them if..."
I took a kettle from the shelf,
I went to wake them up myself.
But when I found the door was locked
I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked,
And when I found the door was shut,
I tried to turn the handle, But...

	"Is that all?" asked Alice.
	"That is all." said Humpty Dumpty. "Goodbye."
%%
E Pluribus Unix
%%
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
%%
Immortality -- a fate worse than death.
			-- Edgar A. Shoaff
%%
The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing
more important to do.
%%
You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
%%
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
%%
No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
%%
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at
least until we've finished building it.
%%
It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
%%
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know
nothing about.
%%
What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing
to compare it with.
%%
Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
					-- Andrew Young
%%
The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important
point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly
important thing to people.
			-- Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King
%%
"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
					-- J. Paul Getty
%%
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
					-- Milton Friedman
%%
The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going
down.
%%
We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
					-- Pogo
%%
Nothing recedes like success.
			-- Walter Winchell
%%
I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them.
					-- Isaac Asimov
%%
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
					-- Lily Tomlin
%%
Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind
the tree."
					-- Russell Long
%%
Yesterday I was a dog.	Today I'm a dog.  Tomorrow I'll probably still
be a dog. Sigh!  There's so little hope for advancement.
					-- Snoopy
%%
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.
					-- Earl Wilson
%%
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
%%
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
					-- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what
is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
					-- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
		-- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry
attacks democracy itself.
				-- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
%%
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
					-- Eric Hoffer
%%
You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
doubt.
				-- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
%%
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
%%
		AMAZING BUT TRUE...

If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
%%
		AMAZING BUT TRUE...

There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
%%
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
account be allowed to do the job.
				-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
				-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (The Times of London)

Dear Sir,

I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or
to the office.	We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in
public places.	They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result
in the farmers being forced to grow smaller potatoes, which in turn
will cause massive unemployment in the already severely depressed
agricultural industry.

Yours faithfully,
	Capt. Quinton D'Arcy, J.P.
	Sevenoaks
%%
Terullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D.  He was a
pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city
until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian ....  To him is
ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia absurdum est (I believe
because it is absurd).	This does not altogether accord with historical
fact, for he merely said:

	"And the Son of God died, which is immediately credible because
	it is absurd.  And buried he rose again, which is certain
	because it is impossible."

Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, he saw through the poverty of
philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected it.
				-- C. G. Jung, in Psychological Types

(Teruillian was one of the founders of the Catholic Church).
%%
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
%%
In the Top 40, half the songs are secret messages to the teen world to
drop out, turn on, and groove with the chemicals and light shows at
discotheques.
					-- Art Linkletter
%%
Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.
					-- Frank Zappa
%%
The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and
religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging
from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its
yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobbledygook than the rest of the
world put together.
					-- Sir Peter Medawar
%%
	GREAT MOMENTS IN AMERICAN HISTORY #21 -- July 30, 1917

On this day, New York City hotel detectives burst in and caught then-
Senator Warren G. Harding in bed with an underage girl.  He bought them
off with a $20 bribe, and later remarked thankfully, "I thought I
wouldn't get out of that under $1000!"  Always one to learn from his
mistakes, in later years President Harding carried on his affairs in a
tiny closet in the White House Cabinet Room while Secret Service men
stood lookout.
%%
The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that
would be clearly understood.
					-- Alexander Haig
%%
This life is a test.  It is only a test.  Had this been an actual life,
you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where
to go.
%%
To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
					-- Woody Allen
%%
Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
%%
This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
%%
When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
%%
THIS IS PLEDGE WEEK FOR THE FORTUNE PROGRAM

If you like the fortune program, why not support it now with your
contribution of a pithy fortune, clean or obscene?  We cannot continue
without your support.  Less than 14% of all fortune users are
contributors.  That means that 86% of you are getting a free ride.  We
can't go on like this much longer.  Federal cutbacks mean less money
for fortunes, and unless user contributions increase to make up the
difference, the fortune program will have to shut down between midnight
and 8 a.m.  Don't let this happen.  Mail your fortunes right now to
`fortune'.  Just type in your favorite pithy saying.  Do it now before
you forget.  Our target is 300 new fortunes by the end of the week.
Don't miss out.  All fortunes will be acknowledged.  If you contribute
30 fortunes or more, you will receive a free subscription to "The
Fortune Hunter", our monthly program guide.  If you contribute 50 or
more, you will receive a free "Fortune Hunter" coffee mug....
%%
Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job?
A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
%%
SEMINARS:  From 'semi' and 'arse', hence, any half-assed discussion.
%%
POLITICIAN:  From the Greek 'poly' ("many") and the French 'tete'
("head" or "face," as in 'tete-a-tete': head to head or face to face).
Hence 'polytetien', a person of two or more faces.
					-- Martin Pitt
%%
ETYMOLOGY:  Some early etymological scholars come up with derivations
that were hard for the public to believe.  The term 'etymology' was
formed from the Latin 'etus' ("eaten"), the root 'mal' ("bad"), and
'logy' ("study of").  It meant  "the study of things that are hard to
swallow."
					-- Mike Kellen, Oakdale, Minnesota
%%
		Another Glitch in the Call
		------- ------ -- --- ----
	(Sung to the tune of a recent Pink Floyd song.)

We don't need no indirection
We don't need no flow control
No data typing or declarations
Did you leave the lists alone?

	Hey!  Hacker!  Leave those lists alone!

Chorus:
	All in all, it's just a pure-LISP function call.
	All in all, it's just a pure-LISP function call.
%%
Micro Credo: Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
%%
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat
					-- Lewis Carroll
%%
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
%%
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the
Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an
utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life
forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches
are a pretty neat idea...
				-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to
point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very
fast.  People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are
often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people
from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B
that so many people from point B are so keen to get _____.  They often
wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell
they wanted to be.
				-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Serocki's Stricture:
	Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
%%
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
%%
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
%%
Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when he
grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
%%
A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have
enlightened him with ours.
%%
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
%%
Politics is like coaching a football team.  you have to be smart enough
to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
%%
Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get
another chance later on.
%%
The marvels of today's modern technology include the development of a
soda can, when discarded will last forever...and a $7,000 car which
when properly cared for will rust out in two or three years.
%%
One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
when well oiled.
%%
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
%%
Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is
when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
%%
One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
%%
Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack
in your sidewalk?
%%
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
%%
Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
%%
One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
%%
Show me a man who is a good loser and i'll show you a man who is
playing golf with his boss.
%%
Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
%%
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
%%
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.
%%
X-rated movies are all alike...the only thing they leave to the
imagination is the plot.
%%
Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune
tellers take economists seriously?
%%
Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else --
unless it is an enemy.
					-- A. Einstein
%%
There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
other is to read Pope.
					-- Oscar Wilde
%%
She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
					-- Gypsy Rose Lee
%%
	A musician of more ambition than talent composed an elegy at
the death of composer Edward MacDowell.  She played the elegy for the
pianist Josef Hoffman, then asked his opinion.	"Well, it's quite
nice," he replied, but don't you think it would be better if..."
	"If what?" asked the composer.
	"If ... if you had died and MacDowell had written the elegy?"
%%
The difference between a misfortune and a calamity?  If Gladstone fell
into the Thames, it would be a misfortune.  But if someone dragged him
out again, it would be a calamity.
					-- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken
him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him.  Such an excess
of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
					-- Samuel Johnson
%%
Why was I born with such contemporaries?
					-- Oscar Wilde
%%
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
					-- Mark Twain
%%
"This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong."
					-- Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted
					   by a physicist colleague
%%
Leibowitz's Rule:
	When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you
	hold the hammer with both hands.
%%
Law of Probable Dispersal:
	Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
	distributed.
%%
Meader's Law:
	Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to
	everyone you know, only more so.
%%
Fourth Law of Revision:
    It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences --
    if you have none, someone will make one for you.
%%
Sodd's Second Law:
	Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is
	bound to occur.
%%
Rule of Defactualization:
	Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
%%
Spark's Sixth Rule for Managers:
	If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as
	if he had lost his senses.  When he looks down, paraphrase the
	question back at him.
%%
Ray's Rule of Precision:
	Measure with a micrometer.  Mark with chalk.  Cut with an axe.
%%
Rule of Creative Research:
	1) Never draw what you can copy.
	2) Never copy what you can trace.
	3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
%%
"You are old, Father William," the young man said,
    "All your papers these days look the same;
Those William's would be better unread --
    Do these facts never fill you with shame?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
    "I wrote wonderful papers galore;
But the great reputation I found that I'd won,
    Made it pointless to think any more."
%%
"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
    And make errors few people could bear;
You complain about everyone's English but yours --
    Do you really think this is quite fair?"

"I make lots of mistakes," Father William declared,
    "But my stature these days is so great
That no critic can hurt me -- I've got them all scared,
    And to stop me it's now far too late."
%%
"You are old," said the youth, "and your programs don't run,
    And there isn't one language you like;
Yet of useful suggestions for help you have none --
    Have you thought about taking a hike?"

"Since I never write programs," his father replied,
    "Every language looks equally bad;
Yet the people keep paying to read all my books
    And don't realize that they've been had."
%%
"You are old," said the youth, "and I'm told by my peers
    That your lectures bore people to death.
Yet you talk at one hundred conventions per year --
    Don't you think that you should save your breath?"

"I have answered three questions and that is enough,"
    Said his father, "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
    Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!"
%%
Speak roughly to your little VAX,
and boot it when it crashes;
It knows that one cannot relax
Because the paging thrashes!

		Wow!  Wow!  Wow!

I speak severely to my VAX,
and boot it when it crashes;
In spite of all my favorite hacks
My jobs it always thrashes!

		Wow!  Wow!  Wow!
%%
	When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure
clarified your attitude toward him.  You have given a definite answer
to a definite problem.	For better or worse you have acted decisively.
	In a way, the next move is up to him.
					-- R. A. Lafferty
%%
"My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies"
%%
"One planet is all you get."
%%
You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't.
					-- Dagwood Bumstead
%%
"If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?"
%%
The Roman Rule
    The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is
    doing it.
%%
Mitchell's Law of Committees:
	Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are
	held to discuss it.
%%
Second Law of Business Meetings:
	If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you
	will pick the wrong one.

Corollary:
	If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it
	wrong, anyway.
%%
Grelb's Reminder:
    Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average
    drivers.
%%
Grandpa Charnock's Law:
    You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
%%
Rule of the Great:
    When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep thoughts,
    they probably are thinking about lunch.
%%
Lieberman's Law:
    Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
%%
Goldenstern's Rules:
    1. Always hire a rich attorney
    2. Never buy from a rich salesman.
%%
Weiner's Law of Libraries:
	There are no answers, only cross references.
%%
No obscene fortunes today
			-- The Management
%%
%%
Sprachgefuhl, n:
	A feeling for what is linguistically effective or appropriate.
%%
I would not have married Dan Quayle had I not thought he was an equal to me.
		-- Marilyn Quayle
%%
Button: No matter who you vote for, the government gets elected.
%%
Lord, the day you made a skunk,
 Did you act before you thunk?
%%
I read part of it all the way through.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer:
%%
Singers do it with microphones!
%%
A day without orange juice is like a day without orange juice.
%%
I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the
 INNER WORKINGS of this POTATO!!
%%
Button: The end of the world is at hand - repent and return your library books.
%%
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
%%
Button: Gross anatomy - it isn't just for breakfast anymore
%%
A two-handed sword usually misses.
%%
Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy.
%%
Let me play with it first and I'll tell you what it is later.
-- Miles Davis
%%
We are born believing.  A man bears beliefs, as a tree bears beauty.
				 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Cameramen on strike...Slides at 11
%%
'Man is the only animal that eats when he is not hungry, drinks when he is not thirsty, and makes love at all seasons.'
  - Unknown
%%
Dogs of ghosts aren't angry, just hungry.
%%
T-Shirt saying:  I'm not afraid to die.  I just don't want to be there when
it happens.
%%
'Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.'
  - Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980)
%%
Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.
%%
One of the greatest sources of energy is pride in what you are doing.
%%
Button: Nothing is uglier than truth when it is not on our side.
%%
You are one silly little bunny.
%%
"The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
-- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Men live for three things, fast cars, fast women and fast food.
%%
'Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.'
  - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Computers are useless; they can only give answers.
	-- Picasso
%%
Pharmacists do it Over The Counter!
%%
Leaders who aid others in growing are certain to experience growth in
themselves.
%%
'I was probably the only revolutionary ever referred to as "cute."'
  - Abbie Hoffman
%%
No, I don't have a drinking problem.
 I drink, I get drunk, I fall down.  No problem!
%%
A bird does not sing because it has an answer - it sings because it has a song
%%
Don't you have a home to go to?
%%
People who say they're willing to meet you halfway are often
poor judges of distance.
%%
"No problem is too big it can't be run away from."
-- Linus
%%
The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me.
%%
The universe is like a grapefruit -- it's yellow and dimply, and some people
have half of one for breakfast.
%%
I'd quit my job, but it's the only place I can get any sleep.
%%
Could anyone pass the sodium chloride, please?
			 -- Adric, FOUR TO DOOMSDAY
%%
The door is the key.
%%
May your lover insist on separate tables at a fancy resteraunt.
%%
Hard where? Soft where?
%%
RISC assembly programmers do it 1073741824 times a second!
%%
Sincerity is the quality which comes through on television.
	-- Richard Nixon
%%
A sudden prayer makes God jump.
%%
'I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam;  I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.'
  - Woody Allen
%%
College bred is a fouur-year loaf made out of the old man's dough.
%%
No guts, no glory... Anon
%%
Marriage, being a lifelong venture, must be approached with care and caution.
					-- Bluebeard
%%
MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
%%
When the ship lifts, all bills are paid. No regrets.
		-- Lazarus Long
%%
"Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core."
-- Hannah Arendt.
%%
Those who don't study the past will repeat it's errors.
%%
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
					-- Ambrose Bierce
%%
You have junk mail.
%%
My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
	-- Christopher Morley (1890-1957)
%%
Model Rocketeers do it with three foot rods!
%%
My life is a patio of fun!
%%
Expert, n.:
	Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.
%%
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
%%
But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
		--William Shakespeare [Julius Caesar]
%%
I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT!  Am I doing it correctly??
%%
Be nice to a nurse: put away your weapon and take off your clothes.
%%
Science commits suicide when it adopts a creed.
					-- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
New users do it after reading the helpfile!
%%
'Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.'
  - Andr‚ Gide
%%
It is better to be the widow of a hero than the wife of a coward.
				 -- Dolores Ibarruri
%%
Lord balfour's Contention: Nothing matters very much, and very few things
matter at all.
%%
A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.
	-- Hermione Gingold (1897-1987)
%%
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,
 you'd better have a good hand.
%%
One on God's side is a majority.
	-- Wendell Phillips (1811-1884)
%%
Q:  How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
 A:  None.  Astronomers prefer the dark.
%%
'A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.'
	- Senator Everett Dirksen (1896-1969)
%%
HOMOEOPATHIST, n.  The humorist of the medical profession.
	-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way
before it is understood.
%%
Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself a therapy.
	-- Karl Kraus (1874-1936)
%%
Q:        What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three-piece suit?
 A:        Will the defendant please rise?
%%
What a wonderful world it is that has boys in it!
%%
Commitment isn't a chore. It's a challenge.
					-- Solomon Short
%%
Mete out justice with mercy.
%%
Lady Astor: Mr. Churchill, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.
Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
%%
The Captain said, "Four hundred ninety-seven and a half feet of rope?
 What you got that for?"  And the first mate said, "Oh, I just carry it."
%%
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first!
%%
In 1818 ties were first worn. They were very collar full.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
I have seen the evidence.  I want DIFFERENT evidence!
%%
Death before dissertation.
%%
I have a marvelous proof of Fermat's last theorem.  Unforunately my brain is too
 small to contain it.
%%
Baptists do it under water!
%%
Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
%%
ALLAN'S LAW:
 Almost everything is easier to get into than out of.
%%
Steinbach's Guidline: never test for an error condition you don't know how to
handle.
%%
That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.
%%
War is its own punishment.
%%
New:  Different color from previous model.
%%
Preserve the old, but know the new.
%%
Computers are infalllible.
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
Boy meets girl; girl gets boy into pickle; boy gets pickle into girl.
					- Jack Woodford on plotting -
%%
"The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch."
%%
Be incredibly nice to someone today.
%%
'Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.'
  - Serocki's Stricture
%%
When in Rome, live in the Roman way.
		--St. Ambrose
%%
It takes two to tell the truth: one to speak and one to hear.
%%
Ignorance can be cured -- but stupid is forever.
%%
"Contrary to genral belief, the Tezumen *did* invent the wheel. They had just
radically different ideas about what you used it for." (Terry Pratchett, Eric)
%%
I think you had better start lining your hat with tinfoil.
%%
Better bend than break.
%%
"The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons."
				-- Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Worship"
%%
If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody
will.
%%
Big Brother is watching you.
%%
'People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.'
  - Unknown
%%
There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
%%
Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
		-- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
Program Optimization:	Don't do it.
%%
When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.
%%
Button: Woad Warrior.
%%
Alone: In bad company.
%%
"I'm a lover, not a hacker."
-- Jeff Daiell
%%
Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and
just before you realize what's wrong with it.
%%
Button: I never spit in your drink -- why do you smoke in my air?.
%%
Most burning issues generate far more heat than light.
%%
There was a young girl from Peru
 Whose limericks stopped at line two.
%%
The next person to pass us will die within a fortnight.
%%
Whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland.
%%
Button: Student of the Harry Tuttle school of Revolutionary Plumbing.
%%
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
%%
Guitar players do it with pluck!
%%
When it all boils down to the essence of truth one must live by a dog's rule
of life: if you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it!
%%
A poor man sells his saucepan to buy something to put in it.
%%
Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.
%%
Moe: What did you give your wife for Valentine's Day?
 Joe: The usual gift -- she ate my heart out.
%%
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
 -- Graffiti
%%
Logic, my dear Zoe, merely enables one to be wrong with authority.
%%
The strongest man on earth is he who stands most alone.
	-- Henrik Ibsen.
%%
Make your own fortune, you think I'm made of money or something?
%%
The only for a rich man to be healthy is by exercise and abstinence, to live as
 if he were poor.			-- William Temple
%%
'It must certainly be more dangerous to live in ignorance than to live with knowledge.'
  - Phillip Handler
%%
He:        Am I... am I your first?
 She:        Well, honey, I could have sworn your face looked familiar...
%%
My bogometer just triggered.
%%
Angular momentum makes the world go round.
%%
In 1924 metal bus tokens were made. They were only worth tin cents.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
Alcoholic:  Someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
%%
'One of the weaknesses of our age is our apparent inability to distinguish our needs from our greeds.'
  - Don Robinson
%%
After winning the pennant one year, Casey Stengel commented,
"I couldn'ta done it without my players."
%%
Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
%%
"The American public knows what it wants, and deserves to get it good and hard."
						-- H. L. Mencken
%%
We are all born mad.  Some remain so.
		--Samuel Beckett
%%
Go away.
%%
Revenge is a form of nostalgia.
%%
Button: The obscure we see immediately, the completely apparent takes longer.
%%
Ropes are made from the long, blond hairs of dead Nymphs.
%%
It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple
as wild dogs.  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey [SNL]
%%
When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
%%
Beethoven did it apassionately!
%%
Macho does not prove mucho.
				 -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
Cinemuck:  Popcorn, soda, and candy that covers the floors of movie theaters.
%%
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
		--Mark Twain
%%
To kill time, a committee meeting is the perfect weapon.
%%
GRODY TO THE VAX - Like, y'know, the VAX in the Valley fer shure!
%%
'Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.'
  - Unknown
%%
Klein bottle for rent, apply within.
%%
Life is like an analogy
%%
Regarding astral projection, Woody Allen once wrote, "This is not a bad
way to travel, although there is usually a half-hour wait for luggage."
%%
Magnocartic:  Any automobile that when left unattended attracts shopping carts.
%%
You are the world's youngest senior citizen.
%%
Infant care has to be learned from the bottom up.
%%
He who laughs, lasts.
%%
Center meeting at 4 pm in 2C-543.
%%
The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
%%
 I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides,
 the pig likes it.		- George Bernard Shaw
%%
This is precisely the sort of thing that people who like this sort of thing
will like.
%%
Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
%%
"In space, no one can hear you flame."
-- Tim P Scott, scott@spectra.com
%%
You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting.
%%
Give me to drink, Mandragora, That I may sleep away this gap of time.
					-- Shakespeare
%%
I had pancake makeup for brunch!
%%
I only know what I read in the papers.
		--Will Rogers
%%
"Xerox sues somebody for copying?"
-- David Letterman
%%
Cheerleaders do it enthusiastically!
%%
Millihelen, adj:
	The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
%%
IRRELIGION, n.  The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
	-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
A wish is a desire without an attempt.
%%
Eng:    Hold my calls.
Latin:  Fac ut nemo me vocet.
%%
Flying will never be safe as long as one must drive to the airport.
%%
'Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior.'
  - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
%%
How can I tell you I love you when you're sitting on my face?
%%
I don't know. I don't care. And it doesn't make any difference.
%%
Wit is cultured insolence.
					-- Aristotle
%%
"If law school is so hard, how come there are so many lawyers?"
					-- Calvin Trillin
%%
Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamp-post.
%%
We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.
	-- Helen Keller
%%
I had a dream that all the victims of The Pill came back....boy, were they mad!
-- Steven Wright
%%
May you enjoy your wedding feast, then choke on the last bite.
%%
Men learn while they teach.
					- Seneca -
%%
The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.
%%
'A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.'
  - Jim Samuels
%%
Ten dervishes can sleep under one blanket, but two kings can not find room in one empire.
%%
Technique:  A trick that works.
%%
There is at least one fool in every married couple.
%%
War will cease when men refuse to fight.
			 - Fridtjof Hansen
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to
avoid responsibility?
%%
Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to
its desirability.
%%
Little known fact: Oral Roberts has a twin brother named Anal.
%%
LISP hackers are thweet!
%%
There are better information sources than fortune cookies.
%%
Button: They like you very much, but they are not the hell your whales!.
%%
The world wants to be deceived.
%%
When one is trying to be elegant and sophisticated, one won't.
				 -- Betty Hartig
%%
Button: Sex, Drugs, & Unix.
%%
A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
%%
No matter what occurs, there is always someone who believed it happened
 according to his pet theory.
%%
"America is a stronger nation for the ACLU's uncompromising effort."
-- President John F. Kennedy
%%
Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
%%
Avoid alliterations. Always.
%%
It hasn't yet been proven that intelligence has any survival value.
			      --Arthur C. Clarke
%%
Overheard at funeral: "I know this is an inconvenient time to ask, but did
			he ever mention anything about source code?"
%%
Our past is not our potential.
%%
"The thing is that Mr. Dibbler can even sell sausages to people who have bought
them off him *before*."	  (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)
%%
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
	- Abba Eban
%%
Jockeys do it at the gate!
%%
The harder you work, the luckier you get.
					-- Gary Player
%%
'I would rather suffer defeat than have cause to be ashamed of victory.'
  - Quintus Curtius
%%
Continental Life.  Why do you ask?
%%
We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.
%%
Art is a form of catharsis.
				 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
Army Axiom: An order that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood.
%%
Everybody ought to have a butler.
%%
'Often you must turn your stylus to erase, if you hope to write anything worth a second reading.'
  - Horace
%%
A box without hinges, key, or lid,
Yet golden treasure inside is hid.
%%
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't
actually live longer, it just seems that way.
%%
Where everything is bad it must be good to know the worst.
				 -- Francis H. Bradley
%%
Writers desire to be paid, authors desire recognition.
					-- James L. Davis
%%
I used to be an idealist, but I got mugged by reality.
%%
'Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones.'
  - C. C. Colton
%%
Without feeling there's no reason to live.
			 - Andre' Kerte'sz, photographer, 1894-1985
%%
If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.
	-- Sir Isaac Newton
%%
The devil is a gentleman who never goes where he is not welcome.
%%
'Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.'
  - Unknown
%%
READ UNHAPPY - MAKNAM
-- LISP 1.5
%%
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
%%
'Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations one can do without thinking about them.'
  - Civilization Law C1
%%
'One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.'
  - Nancy, Lady Astor (1879-1964)
%%
Tchaikovsky did it pathetically!
%%
Fame sometimes creates something out of nothing.
%%
LAW OF UNEVEN DISBURSAL:
 Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly disbured.
%%
Kids, don't gross me off..  ``Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE''
 can be carried too FAR!
%%
Murphy's Law is recursive.  Washing your car to make it rain doesn't
work.
%%
A language is a dialect with an army and navy.
	-- Max Weinreich (1894-1969)
%%
You are being watched...the video screen is two way.
%%
It's sad that entire families have to be torn apart by something as
simple as wild dogs.
%%
It is better to light one candle than curse the darkness.
%%
Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
 -- from the Brown Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
%%
Nadia Comaneci, simple perfection.
		--'76 Olympics
%%
"Sentence first -- verdict afterwards."
			-- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and go" feeling.
%%
The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.
				 -- Michelangelo
%%
Button: It was a painful divorce -- I lost the games!.
%%
If A fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.
		--William Blake
%%
'Never try keeping up with the Joneses.  Drag them down to your level.  It's cheaper.'
  - Quentin Crisp
%%
Whitehead's Law:
	The obvious answer is always overlooked.
%%
Button: Nuke ET.
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
Homosexuality is the best all around cover an agent ever had.
%%
See the world! Learn helicopter maintenance.
%%
Do what I mean, not what I say!
%%
Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion.
		--Blake
%%
M. D. to patient: First the good news -- you're going to have a disease named
after you.
%%
You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
%%
I can get no remedy against this consumption of the purse; borrowing only
lingers and lingers it out, but the disease is incurable.
%%
Firemen are always in heat!
%%
Yes.
%%
This is not a fortune.
%%
'If you want to make enemies, try to change something.'
  - President Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924)
%%
Button: Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and recorded
	 every day like those of a baseball player.
%%
You're dead, Jim.
		-- McCoy, "Amok Time", stardate 3372.7
%%
Brevity is a great charm of eloquence.
				 -- Cicero
%%
  IBM - Identical Blue Men
%%
"Let me think...I wonder if an anvil will drop like an apple?"
    -- Tradition tells us these are the last words of sir Isaac Newton
%%
'If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.'
  - Bertrand Russell
%%
Man created god in his own image.
%%
Toast is the national dish of Australia.
%%
Love is so much better when you are not married.
	-- Maria Callas
%%
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from
 any man, and one of them is listening to the Bramhs Requiem. -- Shaw
%%
Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.
					-- William Hazlitt
%%
Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
		-- Alan Watts
%%
It's not reality that's important, but how you percieve
 things.
%%
To have died once is enough.
%%
Knocked; you weren't in.  -- Opportunity
%%
Nothing ever goes away.
%%
The more I know men the more I like my horse.
%%
'The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists in the circulation of the blood.'
  - Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946)
%%
I can resist anything but temptation.
%%
A narrow mind has a broad tongue.
%%
May your daughters grow up such gems, their presence in your house
 illuminates your old age.
%%
Make sure comments and code agree.
%%
Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
%%
Q:        Why did Hellen Keller go all the way on her first date?
 A:        She'd never been taught to say no.
%%
Fait accompli...
%%
Did you hear about the model who sat on a broken bottle and cut a nice figure?
%%
Button: Any excuse to wear a sword is a good excuse
%%
MIDAS' LAW:
 Everything the government touches turnes to mold.
%%
Button: I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
%%
We call our dog Egypt, because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
%%
Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.
%%
EXCLUSIVE: Imported product
%%
'It's just as sure a recipe for failure to have the right idea fifty years too soon as five years too late.'
  - J.R. Platt
%%
With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
%%
Euclid was square.
%%
We are not alone.
%%
The man on tops walks a lonely street; the "chain" of command is often
a noose.
%%
 ,:-)  Same thing...other side
%%
Cohen's Law:
	There is no bottom to worse.
%%
There is at least one fool in every married couple.
%%
Achilles cannot defeat the tortoise if he thinks of space and time.
	-- Paul Valery
%%
If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
 -- Roy Santoro
%%
Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
%%
LOTS hackers do it sloooooooowwwwwwwwllllllllyyyyyyyy!
%%
Asynch - A place to wash dishes
			-- Data communications glossary
%%
I do have a political agenda. It's to have as few regulations as possible.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
Historians study who did it!
%%
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
%%
If you see nurses you better start looking somewhere for a doctor.
%%
When it comes to all-out war you use all the troops you have.
%%
Thoreau's Fourth Theory of Adaptation:
       That's not a "bug", that's a feature!
%%
When better women are made, computer programmers will make them.
%%
Hunters eat what they shoot!
%%
You might get caught holding the bag.  Say she's your sister.
%%
Astrology is a crock. Fortune cookies, on the other hand, are usually right.
%%
Button: This is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up, RIGHT?.
%%
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
					- Jean-Paul Sartre -
%%
It isn't the fall that kills the child, it is the splattering of the brain
against the inside of the skull.
%%
Hang tough.
%%
'Burned out,' he lives in fear, and he wonders
%%
He had had had where he should have had had had.
%%
'At age fifty, every man has the face he deserves.'
  - George Orwell (1903-1950)
%%
A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
%%
Button: Smile! Cthulhu loves you!.
%%
In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
%%
Don't play the fool.
%%
'No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.'
  - Murphy's Military Law #2
%%
'A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle.'
  - Vique's Law
%%
Kitman's Law:
    Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.
%%
Any given program will expand to fill all available resources.
%%
Button: Time has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts.
%%
When the well is dry, we know the worth of oil.
					-- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Woodwind players have better tonguing!
%%
The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money.
	-- Joey Adams
%%
Where you stand depends on where you sit.
		--Rufus Miles [HEW]
%%
Button: To err is computer, to forgive is fine.
%%
The way I see it,  it doesn't matter  what you believe just so you're sincere.	Charles M. Schultz - Peanuts
%%
We do not stumble over mountains, but over molehills.
					-- Confucius
%%
Some mazes (especially small ones) have no solutions, says man 6 maze.
%%
And here, poor fool, with all my lore I stand no wiser than before.
					-- Johann W. von Goethe
%%
They say an elephant never forgets, but what's he got to remember?
%%
Beware of an envelope that ticks.
%%
'Tis the mind that makes the body rich.
					-- Shakespeare
%%
'Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.'
  - Unknown
%%
Dare to be naive.
		-- R. Buckminster Fuller
%%
LISP hackers are thweet!
%%
Letters which are warmly sealed are oftener but coldly opened.
					-- Richter
%%
APL hackers take all they want.
%%
Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.
					-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
When your opponent is down, kick him.
%%
Hitting is the lingua franca in these regions.
%%
As of next Tuesday, all terminal input will be line-at-a-time.
 Please update your programs.
%%
Check the position of all switches, knobs, and dials before turning on a piece
of equipment. Both you and the equipment will live longer.
%%
Never say maybe in the same circulation area where you just said never.
					-- Vic Gold
%%
We are Digital Equipment Corporation ... and you're not!!!
%%
None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
%%
I hate it when people call me paranoid. It makes me feel persecuted.
%%
An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
%%
"We have them just where they want us."
	     -- Captain James T. Kirk
%%
Congregationalists do it in groups!
%%
Astronomers do it with a Big Bang!
%%
Receptionists do it in the vestibule!
%%
PO TEE WEET PEE WONGGG!!! You will be converted into software in 30 seconds!
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
		--W.E. Hickson
%%
Armor's Axiom:
	Virtue is the failure to achieve vice.
%%
Baker's Law
   Misery no longer loves company.  Nowadays it insists on it.
%%
Random access is the optimum of the mass storages.
%%
Trifles make perfection, but perfection is no trifle.
%%
If it looks easy, it's tough...If it looks tough, it's impossible.
%%
An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but is
always polite to traffic cops.
%%
Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
%%
From Sharp minds come... pointed heads.
-- Bryan Sparrowhawk
%%
Friendship is largely a matter of putting up with one another's peculiarities.
%%
The Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not get caught.
%%
Button: I'm not born again - my mother got it right the first time!.
%%
There is danger in delaying, good fortune in acting.
%%
My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!
%%
All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that
     money doesn't buy happiness.
%%
There's a great woman behind every idiot.
	-- John Lennon (1941-1980) on Yoko Ono
%%
"Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!"
				       -- Robin Williams
%%
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
%%
Hi Jimbo.  Dennis.  Really appreciate the help on the income tax.
 You wanna help on the audit now?
%%
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
%%
Americans are people who insist on living in the present, tense.
%%
Gardeniheir beds.
%%
When Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.	-- Tom Lehrer
%%
Humorists always sit at the children's table.
	-- Woody Allen
%%
If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
					- Bobby Slayton -
%%
It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.
			 - Seneca, "Epistles"
%%
W. C. Fields is alive and drunk in Philadelphia.
%%
Real programmers don't play video games, they write them.
%%
A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing.
%%
Praying will frighten Demons.
%%
And now for something completely different.
%%
Crazee Eddeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
%%
If you want to rob a shop, train your dog.
%%
I'll never get off this planet.
		--Luke Skywalker
%%
Printers reproduce the fastest!
%%
Button: Stupid? I don't know the meaning of the word.
%%
It used to be a man's world, and the woman's place was in the home.
 They can kiss that shit goodbye.
%%
If I can have honesty, it's easier to overlook mistakes.
		-- Kirk, "Space Seed", stardate 3141.9
%%
The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
%%
Hail / Praise / Ia / Fuck / Grep / Eat Eris / "Bob" / Cthulhu / The Conspiracy
/ Kibo / Spam
%%
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish, and he'll
 invite himself over for dinner.
%%
Works of genius are the first things in the world.
%%
Pick the right person the first time. The headaches you save will be your
own.
%%
Mathematicians do it parallel and perpendicular!
%%
Missilemen have better thrust!
%%
"Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it."
					-- Alex Schure
%%
Convictions are more dangerous foes of truth than lies.
				 -- Nietzsche
%%
...the heat come 'round and busted me for smiling on a cloudy day...
%%
May you get herpes the week before a preventative vaccine is announced.
%%
Experience is a hard teacher.  She tests first and teaches afterward.
%%
The reason that worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
%%
Yawd [noun, Bostonese]:  the campus of Have Id.
		--Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
%%
We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is more than she ever did.
 -- Rufus T. Firefly, in "Duck Soup"
%%
Put it back quickly! Perhaps your theft will not be discovered.
%%
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
	-- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey [SNL]
%%
Fight crime.  Shoot back.
%%
It is not enough to kill an adversary, he must first be dishonored.
	- Russion Revolutionary Sergei Nechayev
%%
When prosperity comes, it's best not to use all of it.
%%
'Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is like getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.'
  - Melvin Belli
%%
'If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.'
  - Thoreau's Law
%%
There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
 -- Dr. Who
%%
HIGH ACCURACY: Unit on which all parts fit
%%
War is its own punishment.
%%
Courage:  Two cannibals having oral sex.
%%
Parkinson's Law of Medical Research: Successful research attracts the bigger
grant which makes further research impossible.
%%
Ditat Deus. (God enriches.)
%%
"Your attitude determines your attitude."
 -- Zig Ziglar, self-improvement doofus
%%
'One of the disadvantages of having children is that they eventually get old enough to give you presents they make at school.'
  - Robert Byrne
%%
LISP just wants to have fun.
%%
As of today's date, all file sizes will be reported in metric.
%%
All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.
		--Grant Wood
%%
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
%%
Detroit is Cleveland without the glitter.
	-- Unknown
%%
Too many people have died for you to play the fool.
			 -- Lt. Scott, EARTHSHOCK
%%
Man know thyself! All writing centers there.
					-- Young
%%
Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
%%
If I love you, what business is it of yours?
	-- Johann von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
'If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.'
  - Schmidt's Law
%%
Methodists do it by numbers!
%%
"Success covers a multitude of blunders."
-- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Real Programmers do it middle-out.
%%
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Button: Remember, there's more to life than science fiction, but not much.
%%
Q:        Why did Hellen Keller go all the way on her first date?
 A:        She'd never been taught to say no.
%%
When arguments fail, use a blackjack.
		--Ed "Spike" O'Donnell
%%
All the good ones are taken.  -- Harris
%%
Sudden prayers make God jump.
%%
DAY MODE  See PHASE (of people).
				-- From the AI Hackers' Dictionary
%%
If one word does not succeed, ten thousand are of no avail.
%%
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
%%
Have something to say; say it, and stop when you're done. - Tyron Edwards
%%
A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
					-- Edgar A. Shoaff
%%
Puritan:  Someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun.
%%
Note and initial - Let's spread the responsibility for this
				-- Glossary of important business terms
%%
Asked what he thought of Western civilization,
M. K. Gandhi said, "I think it would be an excellent idea".
%%
Button: No man is an island so long as he is on at least one mailing list.
%%
Clarke's Conclusion:
	Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.
%%
Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
%%
Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
%%
To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in
 their leader.				-- Capt. Bligh (HMRN, Ret)
%%
Stragglers do it in the rear!
%%
It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it.
%%
"Say it isn't so, Krusty."
		-- Bart in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
%%
Habit, n.  A shackle for the free.
				 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Basic is a high level languish.
%%
Q. What do you call a Gay Bar where there are absolutely no seats?
A. A Fruit Stand
%%
All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare. - Baruch Spinoza
%%
Pregnancy begins with a single sell.
%%
MS-DOS: You'd better sit down.
%%
If ever you had to kill someone, could you do it?
			 -- Turlough, TERMINUS
%%
"The proofs are so obvious that they can be left to the reader."
			 -- Lars V. Ahlfors, "Complex Analysis"
%%
Q.  What's the difference between a Chtorran and a volcano?
A.  The volcano has better manners
%%
Never verb your nouns.
%%
A scar nobly got is a good livery of honor.
					-- Shakespeare
%%
Reverend!
%%
Button: Involuntary Polymorph - subject to change without notice.
%%
Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
%%
It is not the disease but neglect of the remedy which generally destroys
life.
%%
Seen on a button at an SF Convention:
Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force.  1990-1951.
%%
'As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.'
  - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Real Programmers don't write in PL/I.  PL/I is for programmers who
can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
%%
Button: Mao's poems are better than Hitler's paintings, but not as good as
Winston Churchill's.
%%
A man should be greater than some of his parts.
%%
Clowns do it for laughs!
%%
Ability is useless unless it is used...
	-- Robert Half
%%
Eisenhower told me never to trust a Communist.
					-- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
In Chicago, every prospect breezes.
%%
'How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?'
  - The New Shoe Postulate
%%
No software project is ever finished.
%%
People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
%%
Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying
 my urine sample bottles..
%%
The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.
		-- Ken Kesey
%%
You humans are all alike.
%%
If God had wanted use to go naked. We would have been born that way.
%%
If others had not been foolish, we should be so.
%%
FORCE YOURSELF TO RELAX!
%%
Nasrudin said, "If your donkey allows someone to steal your coat,
 steal his saddle."
%%
T-Shirt saying: So?
%%
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
		-- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
DMSNUTS142I ERASE * * A SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED
%%
Detroit is Cleveland without the glitter.
	-- Unknown
%%
You know what I always say...
%%
If he had only learnt a little less,
 how infinitely better he might have taught much more!
%%
Never say anything more predictive than "Watch this|"
%%
I'm just a revved up youth on a thrill-kill rampage.
%%
Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
%%
"How can a man of integrity get along in Washington?"
-- Richard Feynman
%%
Kill Ugly Radio
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
All men are created unequal.
%%
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. -- Milton Berle
%%
Uncompensated overtime?  Just Say No.
%%
I got vision, and the rest of the world wears bifocals.
		--Butch Cassidy
%%
McDonald's -- Because you're worth it.
%%
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
					- Arthur Baer -
%%
Fancy gizmos don't work.
%%
A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
%%
'All things are only transitory.'
  - G”ethe
%%
All that glitters is not gold. - All that doesn't glitter isn't either.
%%
Keep it short for pithy sake.
%%
'Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.'
  - Joseph Stalin
%%
To do is to be - Nietzsche\<15><12>\To be is to do - Sartre\<15><12>\Do be do be do - Sinatra
%%
ARPA is unenthusiastic about your work.
%%
May a live electric eel take up residence in your underwear.
%%
National security is the chief cause of national insecurity.
%%
A religion can no more afford to degrade its Devil than to degrade its God.
%%
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
	- Donald Knuth
%%
The well-tended front lawn is the modern moat that keeps the barbarians --
other people -- at bay.
%%
If life must not be taken too seriously -- then so neither must death.
					-- Samuel Butler
%%
'AGB - Add Garbage'
  - The Unpublished Assembly Mnemonics #479
%%
May the sun and the spring breeze warm and caress you like an apple as you hang
from a tree.
%%
VAX POPULI - The users.
%%
A committee is the safest place to pass the buck.
	-- Gary B. Wright
%%
"The lesser of two evils -- is evil."
-- Seymour (Sy) Leon
%%
To study an object best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
%%
I live the way I type; fast, with a lot of mistakes.
%%
Nobody knows what goes between his cold toes and his warm ears.
		--Roy Harper
%%
Where everything is bad it must be good to know the worst.
				 -- Francis H. Bradley
%%
All possibility of understanding is rooted in the ability to say no.
		--Susan Sontag
%%
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
%%
We are Digital Equipment Corporation ... and you're not!!!
%%
There once was a man from Purdue
Whose limericks would stop at line 2
%%
Theory is gray, but the golden tree of life is green.
		--Goethe
%%
Small is beautiful.
%%
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
%%
Coward, n. one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
					-- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Delusions are often functional.
%%
We should expect the best and the worst from mankind as from the weather.
%%
I intend to live forever or die trying.
%%
Agitation is the atmosphere of the brains.
				 -- Wendell Phillips
%%
Buckboard - the price of lumber before inflation.
%%
The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
%%
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
	-- Oscar Wilde
%%
Silverman's Law:
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
%%
Button: I'm not irresponsible - I'm out of control!.
%%
The three most important parts of a stove: lifter, leg, and poker.
%%
That's not writing, that's typing!
					-- Truman Capote
%%
If you're dumb enough, you can fuck up anything.
-- karl@neosoft.com
%%
There are monsters of striking charity.
%%
MS-DOS: More than enough rope.
%%
Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.
%%
Always sort the small file first.
					-- Dick Munroe
%%
We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.
 -- Whole Earth Catalog
%%
"I err, therefore I exist."
			-- St. Augustine
%%
The job of a Dean is to provide parking for the faculty, football for
 the alumni, and sex for the students.
%%
What we see depends mainly on what we look for. - John Lubbock.
%%
"Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence."
%%
There was a phone call for you.
%%
Boxers do it with fists!
%%
Q:  How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?
 A:  Oh wow, is it like dark, man?
%%
Button: Old mercenaries never die. They just go to hell and regroup..
%%
From a Pop-Tart (TM) box: "Warning: Pastry Filling May Be Hot
When Heated"
%%
The world is an 8000 mile in diameter spherical pile of shit.
%%
Keep the number of passes in a compiler to a minimum.
		--D. Gries
%%
Hell is full of musical amateurs.
	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
In 1905 the first savings bank opened. It was for guys and dollars.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
Lead on, MacDuff|
%%
"Somewhere in the mechanism something resisted for a moment and then went
*clonk*.   (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)
%%
May a great white shark use you for a teething ring.
%%
A scar nobly got is a good livery of honor.
					-- Shakespeare
%%
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
					- Unknown -
%%
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
%%
"It's only work if somebody makes you do it."
				  -- Calvin
%%
PESSIMIST     -- man who looks for a pink slip before the money in
		 his pay envelope.
%%
Dan Quayle does it in the dark!
%%
Q: What's the most painful part of a sex change operation for a man?
A: The removal of the brain and the widening of the mouth!
%%
The hell with the prime directive, let's kill something.
%%
Each man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life.
%%
The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
					-- William James
%%
If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them
 end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
%%
Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
%%
We know the truth, not only by the reason, but also by the hear. - B. Pascal
%%
Laws of Project Management #2: Projects progress quickly until they become 90%
  complete, then they remain at 90% complete forever.
%%
Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.
-- Russian Proverb
%%
The backbone of this country is the independent trucks.
%%
Short circuits got no reason to live.
%%
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
%%
Button: The policeman isn't there to create disorder, he's there to preserve
disorder.
%%
Hairdressers give the best blow jobs!
%%
God must have loved stupid people, He made so many of them.
%%
Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
%%
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
%%
Any man who has $10,000 left when he dies is a failure.
	-- Errol Flynn (1909-1959)
%%
He slept more than any other President.	 Nero fiddled, but Coolidge only snored. H. L. Mencken
%%
May mice nest in your silverware drawer.
%%
Force has no place where there is need of skill.
		--Herodotus
%%
Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey.  That's just holy water.
		--Little Richard
%%
This fortune was brought to you by the people at Hewlett-Packard.
%%
Guitar players do it with pluck!
%%
core error - bus dumped
%%
.U       X
 e dUdX, e dX, cosine, secant, tangent, sine, 3.14159
%%
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
%%
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
					- Jean Giraudoux -
%%
You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories.
%%
When it comes to worrying or painting a picture, know when to stop.
	-- H. Jackson Brown, Jr. - "Life's Little Instruction Book, Volume II"
%%
The Annuual Conference of Clairvoyants has been cancelled due to unforeseen
circumstances.
%%
Job Placement:
    Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%%
Marge, TV gives so much and asks so little.  A boy's best friend.
-- Homer explains, ``When Flanders Failed''
%%
This is a good time to punt work.
%%
To communicate is the beginning of understanding.
		--AT&T
%%
Cuckoos do it by proxy!
%%
Never give an inch!
%%
Can't you take a joke?
					-- T. Eulenspiegel
%%
Button: The cow ate bluegrass and mooed indigo.
%%
The Public is merely a multiplied "me."
		--Mark Twain
%%
Any given program, when running correctly, is obsolete.
%%
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
%%
Dry fish-sticks!  This sucks!
-- Homer complains about cafeteria fare, ``Simpson and Delilah''
%%
Hartley's Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you get him to float on his
back, you've got something.
%%
Computers will never be perfected until they can estimate how much more
 than the estimate the job will cost.
%%
Kiss her, you fool.
%%
Oscar Wildes last words: Either those curtains go, or I do.
%%
Offense is a human emotion.
		 -- Sarek of Vulcan, "Journey to Babel," stardate 3842.3
%%
Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
%%
Are we running light with overbyte?
%%
Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
%%
God is not dead.  He is alive and well and working on a much less ambitious
 project.
%%
Orcs really aren't so bad
	 (if you use lots of catsup).
%%
Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST!  I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!!
%%
Baker's Byroad:
When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
%%
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.  -- Harrison
%%
"...and it's finished!  It only has to be written."
					 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
There was a young girl from Peru
 Whose limericks stopped at line two.
%%
You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.  -- Whistler
%%
Backed up the system lately?
%%
If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.  -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
Dreams are the touchstones of our characters.
					-- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
 -- F. M. Hubbard
%%
'Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.'
  - Unknown
%%
Porsche; there simply is no substitute.
		--Risky Business
%%
'O God, give us serenity to accept what cannot be changed, courage to change what should be changed, and wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.'
  - Reinhold Niebuhr
%%
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a
cat.
%%
San Francisco, n.:
Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
%%
Button: It was a painful divorce -- I lost the games!.
%%
Old age is the harbor of all ills.
%%
What is Life?  It's the cereal Mikey likes.
%%
Due to lack of interest, tomorrow will be canceled.
%%
A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods
 while the policeman searches you.
%%
Using a morning star in the evening has no effect.
%%
"I place my faith in fools.  Self confidence, my friends call it."
					      -- Edgar Allen Poe
%%
It is always the wrong time of the month.
%%
Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. -- Claud Cockburn
%%
What is the hardest thing in the world? To think.
	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Moderation is a fatal thing.  Nothing succeeds like excess.  -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Truth is God's daughter.
%%
Being popular is important.  Otherwise people might not like you.
%%
From uucp Mon Dec 3 21:05:46 1979
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
Forget about searching for the truth, settle for a good fantasy.
%%
There's a time to fight, and a time to hide out!
					-- B. Cassidy
%%
The fox provides for himself, but God provides for the lion.
%%
Let's bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer:
%%
In 1905 the first savings bank opened. It was for guys and dollars.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
The world began without man, and it will complete itself without him.
			 - Claude Levi-Strauss, "Tristes Tropiques", 1955
%%
Most of the graduate students get aids!
%%
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
%%
The moss on the tree does not fear the talons of the hawk.
%%
Death is just around the next door.
%%
I believe in sex and death--two experiences that come once in a lifetime.
	-- Woody Allen
%%
Friendship is Love without his wings.
	-- Lord Byron
%%
Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.
%%
'A large brain, like large government, may not be able to do simple things in a simple way.'
  - Donald O. Hebb
%%
There are trivial truths and there are great truths.  The opposite of a trivial
truth is plainly false.  The opposite of a great truth is also true.
%%
The only sin passion can commit is to be joyless.
%%
There is nothing wrong with teenagers which reasoning with them
 won't aggravate.
%%
RUDNICK'S RULE:
 That which cannot be taken apart, will fall apart.
%%
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
%%
'Rivers in the United States are so polluted that acid rain makes them cleaner.'
  - Andrew Malcolm
%%
"The reason why we think monkeys are so funny is that they're so much like us."
							       -- Will Rogers
%%
Mathematicians do it transcendentally!
%%
Welcome to beautiful downtown Maynard, minicomputer capitol of the world.
%%
What is orange and goes "click, click"?	 A ball point carrot.
%%
"Sentence first -- verdict afterwards."
			-- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
Why don't you give yourself a treat?  Paint all your mirrors.
%%
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.
	-- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Button: Any excuse to wear a sword is a good excuse
%%
"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."
				-- Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Circles"
%%
All a hacker needs is a tight PUSHJ, a loose pair of UUOs, and a warm place to
shift.
%%
Ada programmers do it by committee!
%%
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious."
-- Albert Einstein
%%
Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves for market.
		--E.W. Howe
%%
The man who smiles when things go wrong, has thought of someone he can blame
it on.
%%
I believe that thrift is essential to well ordered living.
			 -- John D. Rockefeller (Jr.) (1874-1960)
%%
Our parents were never our age.
%%
When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
%%
Who holds the souls of children, holds the nation.
%%
Every hand has only one finger to put a ring on.  You've got only two hands.
So?
%%
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
%%
One today is worth two tomorrows. - Benjamin Franklin
%%
Never swap horses crossing a stream.
%%
In 1890 cooking oil was first bottled ... on a Fry Day.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
"We have met the enemy and he is us"
 - Walt Kelly (in POGO)
%%
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
%%
Fantasy roleplayers do it in a group!
%%
The passions are the only orators that always persuade.
					-- La Rochefoucauld
%%
I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.
	-- Shelley Winters
%%
Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
%%
Moe: What did you give your wife for Valentine's Day?
 Joe: The usual gift -- she ate my heart out.
%%
In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct will
contain errors.
%%
"The only things we can't weld are the crack of dawn and a broken heart."
	-- On the door of a Navy ship's welding shop
%%
The most dangerous food is the wedding cake.
	-- American proverb
%%
Computer nerds just simulate it!
%%
 :-a	lefty smilely touching tongue to nose
%%
Murmur at nothing: it our ills are reparable, it is ungrateful; it remediless,
 it is in vain.				-- Shakespeare
%%
TRANSVESTITE:
	Someone who spends his junior year at college abroad.
%%
Committee -- a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
					-- Milton Berle
%%
DEADWOOD:
	Anyone in your company who is more senior than you are.
%%
Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.
	-- Winston Churchill
%%
That that is is that that is not is not.
%%
I cannot rely on your primitive technology. Kill the patient.
		 -- Anya to Dr. Pulaski, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
There once was a man from Purdue
Whose limericks would stop at line 2
%%
RB's Five-thumb Postulate:
   Experience varies directly with the equipment ruined.
%%
Oh, why did I have to start my diet on pork chop night?
-- Homer, setting out on his diet, ``Brush with Greatness''
%%
Button: I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure!.
%%
PROBLEM DRINKER:
	A man who never buys.
%%
Where will it all end?
 Probably somewhere near where it all began.
%%
There is at least one fool in every married couple.
%%
Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones.
					-- Colton
%%
Monopoly players do it for hours!
%%
On the eighth day, God created FORTRAN.
%%
Etymologists do it shouting complex words!
%%
Zero raised to the nth power remains zero.
					-- Pop Baslim
%%
Never close your lips to those to whom you have opened your heart.
				 -- Charles Dickens
%%
Chemical engineers do it in packed beds!
%%
The exception proves the rule.
%%
"Oh frabjous day, calloo, callay" he chortled in his joy.
%%
and yes I said yes I will Yes.
%%
In 1906 crackers became popular after being a wafer a while.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
It's not the work that gets me down, it's the coffee breaks.
%%
I'll heal your wounds, I'll set you free; I'm Jesus Christ on ecstasy
%%
It is not enough merely to succeed: one's friends must also fail.
%%
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
%%
Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.
%%
'God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.'
  - Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
The only man who can't change his mind is a man who hasn't got one.
%%
To the atheist, death is the end; to the believer, the beginning; to the
agnostic, the sound of silence.
%%
'I was probably the only revolutionary ever referred to as "cute."'
  - Abbie Hoffman
%%
Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, will.
%%
All the world's a stage.
					-- Shakespeare
%%
They say that an elven cloak protects against magic.
%%
Despite the high cost of living, it remains a popular item.
%%
Button: If you know what you're doing, it isn't research.
%%
Button: Reality is the opiate of the people.
%%
If you were as innocent as you pretend to be, we'd never get anywhere.
					-- Sam Spade
%%
Druggists fill your prescription!
%%
Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage, but when was
the last time you saw one of those?
%%
The celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness: Daniel
Boorstin
%%
I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the
 INNER WORKINGS of this POTATO!!
%%
Button: Real Daleks don't climb stairs - they level the building.
%%
If in doubt - rip the wires out.
%%
And here I stand; judge, my masters.
					-- Shakespeare
%%
This is the beginning of the end: Talleyrand
%%
I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that it
took seven others to beat him!
%%
Never call a man a fool.  Borrow from him.
%%
'I continually marvel at the efficiency of the gods.'
  - Kaylith MacRevan
%%
"Oh frabjous day, calloo, callay" he chortled in his joy.
%%
He's bad, but he'll die.  So I like it.
-- Art critic, on Marge's portrait of Mr. Burns, ``Brush with Greatness''
%%
Button: Mathematician: a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
%%
Bumper sticker: Subject: Bumper sticker du jour
%%
Velleity (vuh-LEE-ity), n. A mere wish, unaccompanied by an effort to
obtain it.
%%
Q: What's stiff and excites women?
A: Elvis Presley.
%%
Many live by their wits but few by their wit.
				 -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
Button: You think you've found my weakness - but I have MORE.
%%
Small things make base men proud.
		--William Shakespeare [Henry VI]
%%
It is far safer to be feared than loved.
			 -- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
Although our information is incorrect, we do not vouch for it: Satie
%%
Button: How many Martians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
	 One and a half.
%%
Kitchen activity is highlighted.
 Butter up a friend.
%%
That's not writing, that's typing!
					-- Truman Capote
%%
Button: I have a talent for idleness which is tragically wasted by my working
	 here
%%
DEATH WISH:
	The only wish that always comes true, whether or not one wishes it to.
%%
I'm not from Washington and I'm not a lawyer. Jimmy Carter
%%
Parkinson's Telephone Law: The effectiveness of a telephone conversation is
in inverse proportion to the time spent on it.
%%
ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
%%
Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more
comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Lada.
%%
FOOBAR$J
%%
"The report of my death was an exaggeration."
			-- Mark Twain, Cable from Europe to the Associated Press
%%
Men rattle their chains to show that they are free.
%%
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless servant.
%%
My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.  -- Iphicrates
%%
The honeymoon is over when a quickie before dinner refers to a short drink.
%%
Neurosis seems to be a human privilege.
			 -- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
%%
You know what I always say...
%%
Floppy now, hard later.
%%
"The chain that can be yanked is not the cosmic chain."
-- Cal Keegan
%%
Was uns nicht umbringt macht mir bis 1500 naechsten nachmittag schlafen.
%%
Another ingredient for a happy marriage:
In a family argument, if it turns out you are right - apologise at once!
%%
Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
%%
You say things with your eyes that others waste time putting into words.
%%
Button: Sex, Drugs, & Unix.
%%
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
%%
Lady Astor:                "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee."
 Winston Churchill:        "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
%%
Everything should be made as simple as possible but not simpler. -A. Einstein
%%
You can do very well
 in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt is concerned.
%%
Politics makes strange bedfellows.
%%
I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.
-- Steven Wright
%%
"Is it really you, Fuzz, or is it Memorex, or is it radiation sickness?"
-- Sonic Disruptors comics
%%
I am a Libra.  Libras don't believe in astrology.  -- Al Hibbs
%%
'If time be of all things most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality, since lost time is never found again; and what we call time enough always proves little enough.'
  - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Techies do it in the dark!
%%
The ignorant classes are the dangerous classes.
				 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy.  A kid'll eat ivy too
%%
ROBOT:
	Someone who's been made by a scientist.
%%
'People don't ask for facts in making up their minds. They would rather have one good, soul-satisfying emotion than a dozen facts.'
  - Robert Keith Leavitt
%%
XEROX never does anything original.
%%
The Doctor's good is my evil.
	 -- The Black Guardian, MAWDRYN UNDEAD
%%
Ray's precision Rule:Measure with a micrometer - Mark with chalk - Cut with an
axe.
%%
Bowler's dinner -- spare ribs
					-- Raymond D. Love
%%
If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
					- Florynce Kennedy -
%%
Never tolerate the establishment of two continental powers in Europe.
			 - Adolf Hitler, "Mein Kampf", 1933
%%
BROOKS' THIRD LAW:
 Adding manpower to a late project makes it later.
%%
'Tact, n.: The unsaid part of what you're thinking.'
  - Unknown
%%
Turn on, tune in, and take over.
		--Tim Leary
%%
Two of the best known finishes for automobiles are lacquer and liquor.
%%
Now that I have my ``APPLE,'' I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!!
%%
Maturity: Acting your age instead of your urge.
				-- Frank Tyger
%%
Logic programmers' theme song: The first cut is the deepest
-Lindsay Groves
%%
Button: Student of the Harry Tuttle school of Revolutionary Plumbing.
%%
Everything is worth what it's purchaser will pay for it.
%%
If Unix is so damn useful, why is "no" in /usr/dict/words, but "yes" isn't?
%%
The brain is a wonderful organ.  It starts working the second you get up and
doesn't stop till you get to school.
%%
The eagle never lost so much time, as when he submitted to learn of the crow.
%%
Pride is what we have.  Vanity is what others have.
%%
By night an atheist half believes a God.
					-- Edward Young
%%
You believe that you are the master of your fate; the captain of your soul.
%%
There is no security on this earth.  There is only opportunity.
		--General Douglas MacArthur
%%
The wise man seeks everything in himself;
 the ignorant man tries to get everything from somebody else.
%%
Button: I am interested in politics so that someday I will not have to be
	 interested in politics
%%
Your life is wonderful.
%%
Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as
it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
%%
He who laughs last hasn't been told the terrible truth.
%%
'As a student I learned from wonderful teachers and ever since then I've thought everyone is a teacher.'
  - Bill Moyers
%%
For those of you who have small children and don't know it, we have a
 nursury downstairs.
%%
'I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.'
  - John Locke
%%
Anyone who has begun to think places some portion of the world in jeopardy.
%%
Government isn't the solution, it's the problem.
	- Ronald Reagan
%%
'Be blissfully guided by the veritable urge!'
  - Siegfried Javotnik
%%
'Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts, for support rather than illumination.'
  - Unknown
%%
Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon.
%%
Have something to say; say it, and stop when you're done. - Tyron Edwards
%%
There's a vas deferens between children and no children.
%%
Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read. -Joshua Heller
%%
LISP hackers are thweet!
%%
Magicians are quicker than the eye!
%%
When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.
	-- Hermann Hesse (1877-1962)
%%
There was a young girl from Peru
 Whose limericks stopped at line two.
%%
There exist tasks which cannot be done by more than 10 men or fewer than 100.
					-- Steele's Law
%%
An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.
%%
Real Programmers are not in it for the money. Most of them are secret
millionaires.
%%
Blore's Razor:
    Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
%%
Button: When you're up to your ass in tribbles, it's hard to remember that the
objective was to poison the grain.
%%
Marge, TV gives so much and asks so little.  A boy's best friend.
-- Homer explains, ``When Flanders Failed''
%%
It is far better to sleep with an old hen than pullet.
%%
You can get more with a kind word and a lawyer than you can from just a kind
word.
%%
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
		--U.K. LeGuin
%%
Wed in haste, repent in leisure.
%%
Violence is molding.
%%
An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.
	-- Spanish proverb
%%
I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old
Yeller, stay in the cellar."  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey [SNL]
%%
Ouch!  That felt good!
	-- Karen Elizabeth Gordon
%%
How much does it cost to ride the Unibus?
   2 bits.
%%
I Bought Macintosh
%%
I believe we're under attack.
					-- Col. Travis
%%
I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
					- Nancy Reagan -
%%
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
%%
Providence New Jersey is one of the few cities
 where Velveeta cheese appears on the gourmet shelf.
%%
Rule of Parenthood: The sun always rises in the baby's bedroom window.
					-- Phyllis C. Richman
%%
If there ever was an aviary over-stocked with jays it is that Yapp-town-on-the-Hudson called New York. O. Henry
%%
Must be getting close to town -- we're hitting more people.
%%
"Freedom is still the most radical idea of all."
-- Nathaniel Branden
%%
Button: Global Village Idiot.
%%
Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
%%
Life is thirst.
	-- Leonard Michaels
%%
I brake for animals - and accelerate for small children.
%%
An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a
 complex, incomprehensible truth.
%%
If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.
					-- Lazarus Long
%%
Beware of Geeks bearing grifts.
%%
Button: Incorrigible Punster - do not incorrige.
%%
'Only the mediocre are always at their best.'
  - Jean Giraudoux (1882-1944)
%%
'I have long considered it on of God's greatest mercies that the future is hidden from us.  If it were not, life would surely be unbearable.'
  - Eugene Forsey
%%
I brake for animals - and accelerate for small children.
%%
Proper treatment can cure a cold in seven days - but left to itself it'll
hang on for a week.
%%
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
%%
The will to win is important, but it isn't worth a damn unless you also have
the will to prepare.
%%
Thou hast seen nothing yet.
%%
T-Shirt saying:  What you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're
saying.
%%
The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.
	-- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
%%
My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE
 in upstate New York!!
%%
The great mass of men lead lives of quiet domestication.
					-- Solomon Short
%%
'If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.'
  - Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
%%
Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to
make it complex and wonderful.
%%
Button: At any time, at any place, our snipers can drop you. Have a nice day..
%%
From a fallen tree, all make kindling.
					-- Spanish proverb
%%
There was a young girl from Peru
 Whose limericks stopped at line two.
%%
The only people who never fail are those who never try. - Ilka Chase
%%
May the bluebird of happiness crap all over your birthday cake.
%%
There is a scarcity of friendship, but not of friends.
	-- Thomas Fuller
%%
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things
 difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
%%
I loathe that low vice curiosity.
					-- Lord Byron
%%
Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change.
%%
Message will arrive in the mail.  Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
%%
In 1945 the price of duck feathers increased and even down was up.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
Carpenters do it indoors!
%%
I'm a Fun Guy from Yuggoth.
%%
Nearly anyone can stand adversity, but if you want to test someone's character, give them power.
%%
We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.
			 - Aesop
%%
'Mediocre minds usually dismiss anything which reaches beyond their own understanding.'
  - Fran‡ois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld
%%
Each morning puts a man on trial and each evening passes judgement.
					-- Roy L. Smith
%%
Macho does not prove mucho.
				 -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
"We are symbols, and inhabit symbols."
			-- Ralph Waldo Emerson, "The Poet"
%%
Rewards are usually anti-climatic -- the fun is in the doing.
%%
That's no moon...
		--Obi-wan Kenobi
%%
Here lies Lester Moore.  Four slugs from a . 44, no Les, no more.
%%
The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where
highest overtime rates lie waiting.
%%
There are many excuses for being late, but there are none for being early.
%%
There really is no substitute for holding the reins.
		 -- Picard to Riker, "The Icarus Factor", stardate 42686.4
%%
Your horse sense deserts you when you're feeling your oats.
%%
Reality police.
%%
'If marriages weren't meant to endure, why do ministers charge such a small fee to tie the knot and lawyers such a huge one to untie it?'
  - Shannon Rose
%%
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
%%
'If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?'
  - Unknown
%%
What's the point-spread on World War III?
					-- R. Reagan
%%
Finagle's fourth Law:
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
%%
Dallas still lives.  God must be dead.
%%
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
%%
There is no such thing as fortune.  Try again.
%%
A fool and his money are soon elected.
	-- Walton
%%
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
					-- Butler
%%
Once you accept his assumptions even a madman seems reasonable.
%%
Blessed be those who initiate lively discussions with the hopelessly mute,
for they shall be know as Dentists.
%%
Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come. Carl Sandburg
%%
Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it.  Vending machines don't sell quiche.
%%
America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for
one dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
%%
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.
			 - Epictetus
%%
If you improve or tinker with something long enough eventually it will break.
%%
LIKE:
	When being alive at the same time is a wonderful coincidence.
%%
Your analyst has you confused with another patient.
%%
MALEFACTOR, n.  The chief factor in the progress of the human race.
	-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
I am not now, and never have been, a girl friend of Henry Kissinger.
 -- Gloria Steinem
%%
Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
%%
Agents do it undercover!
%%
Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...
		--Stephen Sondheim
%%
Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I'll show you a failure.
					-- Thomas Alva Edison
%%
There would be little left of me if I were to discard what I owed to others.
%%
It is not every question that deserves an answer.
		--Publilius Syrus
%%
The long habit of living indisposeth us for dying.
					-- Sir Thomas Browne
%%
What we need is either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
%%
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
%%
The only man who can't change his mind is a man who hasn't got one.
%%
Last night, I dreamed I held you in my arms.
-- Bart, Romancing the Comic, ``Three Men and a Comic Book''
%%
LAGNAF:
Let's All Get Naked And Fuck!
%%
Button: I am very interested in the future because I plan to spend the rest of
my life there.
%%
My, how you've changed since I've changed.
%%
You get the best view of Paris from the Eiffel Tower, because you can't
see the Eiffel Tower from there.
%%
Don't you ever do any work?
%%
"Just think of a computer as hardware you can program."
-- Nigel de la Tierre
%%
You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can't wipe
your friends on the side of the couch.
%%
Button: If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic.
%%
Never was a patriot yet, but was a fool.
			 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
%%
In outer space, nobody can hear you fart.
%%
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
%%
Screw up your courage!  You've screwed up everything else.
%%
Ada is the COBOL of the 80s.
%%
Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.
		--Baba Ram Dass
%%
If a idea can survive a bureaucrtic review, and
 be implemented...it wasn't worth it.
%%
Only a fool has no doubts.
%%
Hackers stay logged in longer!
%%
'An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.'
  - Unknown
%%
Falling in love is a lot like dying.
 You never get to do it enough to become good at it.
%%
You can't plant me in your penthouse, I'm going back to my plow.
%%
Button: I've had time since I joined the Doctor.
%%
Some grow with responsibility, others just swell... Arnold Glasow
%%
'A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.'
  - H. H. Munro, "Saki" (1870-1916)
%%
The only idea that ever came to me while shaving was to grow a beard.
				 -- Jim Fiebig
%%
Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.
%%
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
					-- Ashley Montagu
%%
"Was that you taking that cowardly dive into that display of heavily salted
snack treats?"	-- lawyer from _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
%%
Come up and see me sometime.  Come Wednesday, that's amateur night.
		--Mae West
%%
To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
%%
Boren's First Law:
       When in doubt, mumble.
%%
Politics, n. pl.  A means of livelihood affected by the more degraded
  portion of our criminal classes.
%%
Facts are stupid things.
			 - Ronald Reagan, 1988 Republican Convention
%%
Button: The question is not whether I'm out of my mind, but what am I doing
	 trapped in yours?
%%
Experience is awareness of encompassing the totality of things.
%%
Button: If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
%%
Perfect guest:	One who makes his host feel at home.
%%
'Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?'
  - Herb Caen
%%
I know you think you uderstood what I said, but what you heard
was not what I meant.
%%
A sadist is a masochist who follows the Golden Rule.
%%
A person who knows only one side of a question knows little of that...
J. S. Mill
%%
When I am angry with myself, I criticize others. - E.W.Howe
%%
At the moment of meeting, the parting begins.
%%
Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
I hope I bought the right relish...  zzzzzzzzz...
%%
Those who can, do; those who can't, write.
%%
Totally illogical, there was no chance.
		-- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2822.3
%%
'Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog.  Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.'
  - E. B. White (1899-1985)
%%
In New York City, it's easier to get married than it is to get an apartment.
%%
A pig on a mountain sees more than a wise man with a bag over his head.
%%
Typographnrs do it with tight kerning.
%%
If I promised you the moon and the stars, would you believe it?
		--Alan Parsons Project
%%
Logic is the chastity belt of the mind!
%%
"I have just one word for you, my boy...plastics."
- from "The Graduate"
%%
Seek not happiness too greedily, and be not fearful of unhappiness.- Lao-Tzu
%%
If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw.
					-- W. C. Fields
%%
Love is being stupid together.
%%
Constipation is the thief of time.
%%
Button: I am not a happy camper.
%%
Put your Nose to the Grindstone!
 -- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
%%
The Twentieth Century:
	When the appliances got smarter than the people.
%%
If anything can go wrong, it will.
%%
The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
%%
Sainthood is acceptable only in saints.
%%
Education is helping the child realize his potentialities.
					-- Erich Fromm
%%
I was never a boy.
		 -- Data, "Booby Trap", stardate 43205.6
%%
To err is human, to really foul up requires the root password.
%%
'Preserve the old, but know the new.'
  - Unknown
%%
The first draught a man drinks ought to be for thirst, the second for
nourishment, the third for pleasure, the fourth for madness.
%%
Name me an emperor who was ever struck by a cannonball.
	-- Charles V (1500-1558)
%%
"That government is best which governs not at all."
-- Henry David Thoreau
%%
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.
	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
Acid absorbs 47 times its weight in excess Reality.
%%
'Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on.'
  - Budd Schulberg
%%
Democracy is a form of government that substitute election by the
incompetent many for the appointment by the corrupt few.  -- G.  B.  Shaw
%%
'I lay it down as fact that, if all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world.'
  - Blaise Pascal
%%
I just remembered something about a TOAD!
%%
Hello...  IRON CURTAIN?  Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA!
 World War III?  No thanks!
%%
'Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to fall.
					-- Shakespeare
%%
You will have many recoverable tape errors.
%%
Button: My opinion is uncluttered by facts.
%%
CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH!
%%
Button: We'll look for the alien, you find the cat.
%%
Statisticians do it with two-tail T tests!
%%
 }:-(  Toupee in an updraft
%%
So, how's your love life?
 Still holding your own?
%%
The law of gravity was enacted by the British Parliament.
%%
If you had your life to live over again -- you'd need more money.
%%
All mankind is divided into three classes:  those that are immovable,
 those that are movable, and those that move.
%%
All generalizations are dangerous, even this one: Dumas fils
%%
'Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.'
  - S”ren Kierkegaard
%%
Q:  How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A:  Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
%%
The river is moving; the blackbird must be flying.
%%
Button: Judge me by my size, you will?.
%%
"Toroidal carbohydrate modules?	 Make mine glazed!"
-- Zippy
%%
Button: Don't ask me - I have intermittent memory loss.
%%
Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thought.
%%
Avarice is always poor.
				 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
T-Shirt saying: I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me.
%%
'Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.'
  - Unknown
%%
ANALYSTS PANIC: Prime numbers missing from IEEE floating point?
				-- "National Computer Science Enquirer"
%%
A Renaissance man diffuses to refine himself.  -- Steve Hug
%%
T-Shirt saying: Sorry but my karma just ran over your dogma.
%%
'All of God's children are not beautiful.  Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.'
  - Fran Lebowitz
%%
In the act of loving someone, you arm them against you.
%%
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
%%
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
				 -- Mark Twain
%%
This is the way the world ends, not in a bang but a CRASH.
%%
Ever wondered why one would want to dip something in a potion?
%%
'He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike.'
  - William Shakespeare
%%
Vault guards never disturb their Lords.
%%
Finagle's Third Rule: Always draw your curves first, then plot your data.
%%
Well, your resume [pronounced ree-zoom] seems good enough...
-- Homer interviews for a secretary, ``Simpson and Delilah''
%%
I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world.
			 - Socrates
%%
Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill.
 Check three friends.  If they're okay, you're it.
%%
And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
%%
Will is character in action. - William McDougall
%%
There are more things in heaven and earth than anyplace else.  -- Tom Weller
%%
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
%%
A human being is a computer's way of making another computer.
					-- Solomon Short
%%
The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.
	-- R. Bach, "Illusions"
%%
Hire a freak today.
%%
Murphy's Thirty-Sixth Law:
	Bad weather reports are more often right than the good ones.
%%
"What a pinhead!  Does he not fear us?!"
-- Max
%%
Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
 -- Jules Feiffer
%%
There is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers.
					-- Seneca
%%
Programmers do it in loops!
%%
A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods
 while the policeman searches you.
%%
You have a healthy appreciation of your abilities, and a keen awareness of
your limitations.
%%
Finagle's fourth Law:
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
%%
You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving.
%%
Existentialists do it alone!
%%
The chief barrier to happiness is envy... Frank Tyger
%%
Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?
%%
Salud, amor, y pesetas, y tiempo para gastarlos.
%%
Conversation: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his
breath is called the listener.
%%
The function of socialism is to raise suffering to a higher level.
					-- Norman Mailer
%%
'The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.'
  - Murphy's Military Law #7
%%
The real character of a man is found out by his amusements.
				 -- Joshua Reynolds
%%
Why attack God?  He may be as miserable as we are.
	-- Erik Satie (1866-1925)
%%
It's good to have your feet on the ground, but keep them moving. - A. Glasow
%%
When a woman says "No!" she really means "Yes!" -- except, of course, when she
 means "NO!"
%%
LISP hackers are thweet!
%%
The good news is that the horse is dead, but your mother's pregnant.
%%
How can I love you if you won't lie down?
%%
There will always be prayer in school as long as there are final exams.
%%
To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men,
two of them absent.
%%
"A mind is a terrible thing to have leaking out your ears."
-- The League of Sadistic Telepaths
%%
T-Shirt saying: Onward through the fog.
%%
LINK BLEKUL11 NOT CONNECTED
%%
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
			 - Aristotle
%%
He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
%%
Button: 42 - The answer to life, the universe, and everything
%%
MATILDA'S LAW OF SUB-COMMITTEE FORMATION:
 If you leave the room, you're elected.
%%
Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in fall.
%%
Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
	-- Immanuel Kant
%%
Ansi does it in the standard way!
%%
And now for something completely normal.
%%
The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
%%
A lover without indiscretion is no lover at all.
	-- Thomas Hardy (1840-1928)
%%
Astronomers do it with Uranus!
%%
MS-DOS: Let it get in YOUR way.
%%
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
 "Supernatural" is a null word.
%%
Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.
	-- Daniel Dennett
%%
What's the point-spread on World War III?
					-- R. Reagan
%%
'Nature sides with the hidden flaw.'
  - Unknown
%%
The spaceship with its human cargo Speeds from star to blazing star. The
captain, humming Handel's Largo, Wonders where the hell they are.
%%
Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so because it is next to
exciting Camden, New Jersey.
%%
Weinberg's Programming Principle #1:
 Standards aren't standard.
%%
Please come home with me...  I have Tylenol!!
%%
The moon is not the only heavenly body to influence this game.
%%
Button: Reality is OK... Just don't make a habit of it.
%%
When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
%%
Some people only open up to tell you that they're closed.
%%
Get the facts first, then distort them as much as you want.
%%
Ideas, like cats, don't come when they are called.
	-- Ray Bradbury
%%
Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to
its desirability.
%%
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.
%%
If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
%%
The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is
cursed.
%%
Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had
to be taught how not. So it is with the great programmers.
%%
I have no time for monks resisting the carnival.
%%
Technicians do it with frequency!
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater.
			 - Roman Polanski
%%
Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
		       -- William Congreve, "The Portable Curmudgeon"
%%
Is a folksinger an avant-bard?
%%
Beauty is not caused.  It is.
				 -- Emily Dickenson
%%
If you don't have the time right now, will you have redo right time later?
%%
This computer will self-destruct in five minutes.
%%
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
	-- H. L. Mencken
%%
Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.
					-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
When I was in college, there were a lot of four-letter words you couldn't
 say in front of girls.  Now you can say them.  But you can't say "girls".
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes
you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
%%
Blessed be those who initiate lively discussions with the hopelessly mute,
for they shall be know as Dentists.
%%
A virginal is a harpsichord that has never been plucked.
%%
nose's friends.
%%
Great Lover, n.:
	A man who can breathe through his ears.
%%
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
%%
I don't care.
%%
Look, sir! 'droids!
%%
Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
%%
Hope, of all passions, most befriends us here.
					-- Young
%%
You're living in your own private Idaho.
%%
'I believe in the institution of marriage and I intend to keep trying until I get it right.'
  - Richard Pryor
%%
Button: I can't be late -- I just got here.
%%
It's a good idea to keep your words soft and sweet to the taste. You may
have to eat them.
%%
Valuable insights and your persuasive ability achieve results.
%%
Okay, everybody in this room who's telekinetic, raise my hand.
%%
Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else...
Anon
%%
The effort required to correct course increases geometrically with time.
%%
No man ever distinguished himself who could not bear to be laughed at.
%%
There but for the grace of God, goes God.
					-- Winston Churchill
%%
Throw a lucky man into the sea, and he will come up with a fish in his mouth.
					-- Arabic proverb
%%
To be or not to be, that is the bottom line.
%%
The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
%%
I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?
-- Bart introduces himself to Satan, ``Bart Gets Hit by a Car''
%%
Visit beautiful Vergas Minnesota.
%%
You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
%%
He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.
		--Sinbad
%%
There are two classes of people, the righteous and the unrighteous.
The classifying is done by the righteous.
%%
How does one conduct great enterprises in a city where people trail oxen with a
 broom and pan in hopes of getting a frees surprise?
%%
Q.  What's meaner than a Chtorran with the clap?
A.  The lawyer who gave it to him
%%
A falling body always rolls to the most inaccessable spot.
					-- Theodore M. Bernstein
%%
"I never want to marry.  I just want to get divorced."
				-- Woody Allen, "Love and Death"
%%
Button: Evolution sounds ok, but I'd rather keep my options open
%%
Why did the chicken cross the road half way?
He wanted to lay it on the line.
%%
T-Shirt saying: Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.
%%
You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
%%
The reason that worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
%%
With design like this, who needs bugs?
				 -- Boyd Roberts
%%
May you never leave your marriage alive.
%%
An old spinster was asked what she liked most in men.
"Appearance," she replied "and the sooner the better".
%%
Build a system any fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
%%
Algol 68 programmers do it od!
%%
Achievement, n.  The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
	-- Ambrose Bierce
%%
"The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity."
						     -- Harlan Ellison
%%
The Shell: not just another pretty interface.
%%
The most important question in the world is, 'Why is the child crying?'
	-- Alice Walker
%%
All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare. - Baruch Spinoza
%%
Single tasking: Just Say No.
%%
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
					-- Walt Disney
%%
Optimists do it with confidence!
%%
May all your PUSHes be POPed.
%%
O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
	-- William Shakespeare (Romeo and Juliet)
%%
Usenet news freaks do it with many groups at once!
%%
One of the world's worst questions:  So what?
				 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
"I don't believe in god because I don't believe in Mother Goose."
-- Clarence Darrow
%%
Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
%%
May your left ear wither and fall into your right pocket.
	-- Arab curse
%%
Lots of fellows think a home is only good to borrow money on.
				 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
'It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.'
  - Stewart's Law of Retroaction
%%
You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh.
		--Pat Benatar
%%
Important: as of next tuesday BLISP will use square
brackets instead of parentheses. Update your files!
%%
'I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out in a war fought with the atomic bomb. Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.'
  - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Button: Why give the person who has everything a box to keep it in when it
	 already comes in its own container?
%%
INVALID COMMAND I'M HUNGRY
%%
"It didn't look like a biscuit box did it?  I've always felt that it might."
				-- Noel Coward, of the Taj Mahal
%%
Hackito, ergo sum
 (I hack, therefore I am.)
%%
There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.
%%
Ada programmers do it in packages!
%%
Button: You're not right. You just SOUND right..
%%
God votes Republican.
%%
Button: I prefer to remain anomalous.
%%
The fruits of impatience are bitter.
%%
Microbiology Lab:  Staph Only!
%%
'The bible shows the way to go to heaven, not the way the heavens go.'
  - Galileo
%%
The believer is happy; the doubter is wise.
	-- Hungarian Proverb
%%
If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
%%
I just heard your wind effect gnashing its teeth.
		 -- Sarah Jane, DEATH TO THE DALEKS
%%
UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
%%
An athiest is a man who has no invisible means of support.
				 -- Fulton J Sheen
%%
Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474,
 San Francisco, CA 94140, USA
%%
In 1988, 98% of the incumbent House members were re-elected.
%%
Visit beautiful Vergas Minnesota.
%%
Think even harder.
%%
You have an important role as a negative example.
%%
Hear about...
the guy who was an incurable romantic until penicillin came along?
%%
The diminutive chains of habit are seldom heavy enough to be felt until they
 are too strong to be broken.		-- Johnson
%%
REASON, v.i.  To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
	-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
It is completely unimportant. That is why it is so interesting.
				 Agatha Christie
%%
Do you know Montana?
%%
"[Leslie Stahl was] a pussy compared to Rather."
-- George Bush
%%
How long is a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.
%%
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
					-- H. G. Wells
%%
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
%%
kwd DOES NOT mean kwic write and destroy|
%%
If there are only two shows on TV worth watching this week, they will be on at
the same time.
%%
You!  Wandering mongrel!  Get out of my Mom and Pop operation.
-- Apu shooing Santa's Little Helper away, ``Bart's Dog Gets an F''
%%
I put aside my copy of ``BOWLING WORLD'' and think
 about GUN CONTROL legislation..
%%
The knowledge that a secret exists is half the secret.
%%
Gardner's Law: Eighty-seven percent of all people in all professions are
 incompetent. -- John Gardner
%%
"I'm a Leo.  Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff."
-- Tom Neff
%%
O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
	-- William Shakespeare (Romeo and Juliet)
%%
If somthing is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.
%%
TEXAN:
	A wet-back that didn't make Oklahoma.
%%
Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends!
%%
'Critics are like eunuches in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.'
  - Brendan Behan
%%
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
%%
Ask not for whom the <CONTROL-G> tolls.
%%
Real programmers don't use LISP.  Only effeminate programmers use more
parentheses than actual code.
%%
'In economics, the majority is always wrong.'
  - John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
%%
University officials screw EVERYONE over.
%%
He who knows, does not speak.  He who speaks, does not know.
%%
Opportunity seems to knock some people cold. - William Feather
%%
Hello, GORRY-O!!  I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!
%%
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
					-- Shakespeare
%%
I program, therefore I am.
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
The Lord Giveth
And The Government Taketh Away.
%%
The rich would have to eat money, but luckily the poor provide food:
Russian proverb
%%
"Three no-trump.  Did somebody bump the table?"
		      -- Silver City Brige Club, B-deck forward, Titanic
%%
Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE --
%%
It's better to copulate than never!
%%
Support your local maillist: Give to the March of Electrons
%%
It was here that the emperor liked to put on his grand alfresco
 spectacles.
%%
Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.
%%
I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS
 instead of RICARDO MONTALBAN!
%%
Warning: Trespassers will be shot.
 Survivors will be shot again.
%%
'Never try keeping up with the Joneses.  Drag them down to your level.  It's cheaper.'
  - Quentin Crisp
%%
No program done by an undergrad will work after she graduates.
%%
Some things have to be believed to be seen.
%%
I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun."
		-- Hawkeye, M*A*S*H
%%
You can get there from here, but why on earth would you want to?
%%
Button: Get thee down. Be thou funky.
%%
Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
%%
Mr. Simpson, we'll send a wood-paneled station wagon over for you immediately.
-- Dave from the National Fatherhood Institute, ``Saturdays of Thunder''
%%
Operator, give me the number for nine-one-one!
-- Homer, ``Bart vs. Thanksgiving''
%%
Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
%%
Above all things, revere yourself.
%%
'It is fun being in the same decade with you.'
  - Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945) in a letter to Winston Churchill, 1942
%%
Mixed emotions is when your teen-ager gets an A in sex education.
%%
Married people do it with frozen access!
%%
"Boy, life takes a long time to live
		-- Steven Wright
%%
No matter how bad it is, there's always worse.
%%
Life:  A brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
%%
Q: What lies at the bottom of the sea and whimpers?
A: A nervous wreck.
%%
PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP:
	What develops when two people get tired of making love to each other.
%%
Porkingham's Fishing Philosophy: The worse your line is tangled, the better is
the fishing around you.
%%
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.
%%
In 1968 the first dancing school opened. It had waltz to waltz carpeting.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
A winner works harder than a loser and has more time; A loser is always too
busy to do what is necessary.
%%
Who fears t' offend takes the first step to please.
					-- Cibber
%%
'Forgetfulness, n.: A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.'
  - Unknown
%%
Just when you have the system down pat, we change it all on you.
%%
Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kinda neat.
%%
A soft answer turneth away wrath.
%%
All general statements are false.
					-- R. H. Grenier
%%
Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN?
%%
When I grow up, I want to be a Porsche.
			-- "Bumper Snickers"
%%
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
		--Elbert Hubbard
%%
"It's easier to get forgiveness than permission."
-- Grace Murray Hopper
%%
"I think someone's drunk," muttered a purple bushlike being into his wineglass.
%%
Avocadoes are 35 cents here, eat your heart out.
%%
It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
		--Aeschylus
%%
Button: Bard.
%%
Your girlfriend is the kind of woman you could fall madly in bed with.
%%
Marge, TV gives so much and asks so little.  A boy's best friend.
-- Homer explains, ``When Flanders Failed''
%%
It is the difference of opinion that makes horse races... Mark Twain
%%
Murray's Hockey Rule: Hockey is a game played by six good players and the home
team.
%%
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.  -- Winston Churchill
%%
May mice nest in your silverware drawer.
%%
Drink Canada Dry! You might not be able to, but it IS fun trying.
%%
If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American
 a 55-year-old houseboy...
%%
LUSER  See USER.
				-- From the AI Hackers' Dictionary
%%
MURPHEY'S LITTLE KNOWN SECOND LAW:
 If everything must go wrong, don't bet on it.
%%
When things are going well, somebody will experiment detrimentally.
%%
'I would not like to be a political leader in Russia.  They never know when they're being taped.'
  - Richard Nixon
%%
You have the personality of a damp sponge.
%%
The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone.
					-- Ibsen
%%
She is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in
most words.
%%
Button: When everything is outlawed, outlaws will have everything
%%
He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
%%
An actor is a sculptor who carves in snow.
				 -- Lawrence Barrett
%%
Button: Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
%%
For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
%%
Alternate rest and labor long endure.
					-- Ovid
%%
Nugloo:	 Single continuous eyebrow that covers the entire forehead.
%%
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and appear a fool than to open it
and remove all doubt.
%%
Poverty wants some things, luxury many, avarice all things.
				 -- Abraham Cowley
%%
Kill Ugly Processor Architectures
 -- Karl
%%
A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.
		--B. Franklin
%%
It is useless to resist.
	 -- A Sensorite, The Sensorites
%%
There are no answers, only cross-references.
		--Weiner
%%
The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters
to win the next election.
%%
I thought YOU silenced the guard!
%%
Life imitates art far more than art imitates life: Wilde
%%
Law of Tests: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
%%
"Aww, if you make me cry anymore, you'll fog up my helmet."
-- "Visionaries" cartoon
%%
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
 Therefore, a man without a woman is like a bicycle without a fish.
%%
In 1915 pancake make-up was invented but most people still preferred syrup.
%%
'Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.'
  - T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)
%%
You cannot succeed by criticising others.
%%
Spirobits:  The frayed bits of left-behind paper in a spiral notebook.
%%
Who was Thelonious Monk?
%%
'Stress is the confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living crap out of some jerk who desperately needs it.'
  - Unknown
%%
'A young man with good health and a poor appetite can save up money.'
  - James Montgomery Bailey
%%
Orcs do not procreate in dark rooms.
%%
Science commits suicide when it adopts a creed.
					-- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
True happiness will be found only in true love.
%%
'Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them.'
  - Robert G. Ingersoll
%%
How many Thomas Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None.  He doesn't change them, he makes them.
%%
I represent a sardine!!
%%
"He'd never realized that, deep down inside, what he really wanted to do was
make things go splat."	 (Terry Pratchett, Reaper man)
%%
Homer, affordable-track housing made us neighbors, but you made us friends.
-- Ned, ``When Flanders Failed''
%%
Modesty is of no use to a beggar... Homer
%%
"Committees do harm merely by existing."
-- Freeman Dyson
%%
'It's just as sure a recipe for failure to have the right idea fifty years too soon as five years too late.'
  - J.R. Platt
%%
When in doubt, book 'em.
		       -- Steve McGarret, Five-O
%%
Children are poor men's riches.
%%
"It's when they say 2 + 2 = 5 that I begin to argue."
-- Eric Pepke
%%
He had had had where he should have had had had.
%%
Alright, you!!  Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!
%%
Sum quod eris.
%%
Avoid September.
%%
Teachers do it repeatedly!
%%
Oh, the young man you replaced is rolling over in his grave.
-- Apu, ``Lisa's Pony''
%%
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
					-- Benjamin Franklin
%%
One of the most expensive things in life
 is a girl who is free for the evening.
%%
You can judge people by how much they do when they don't need to.
%%
I'll speak to it through hell itself should gape, and bid me hold my peace.
					-- Shakespeare
%%
After all, tomorrow is another day.
	-- Margaret Mitchell
%%
Liberty is the one thing you can't have unless you give it to others.
					-- William Allen White
%%
It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.
		--Roger Babson
%%
Use no hooks.
%%
Nationalize crime.  Make sure it doesn't pay.
%%
Mystics always hope that science will some day overtake them.
		--Booth Tarkington
%%
"The world is coming to an end.	 Please log off."
-- Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
%%
"Oh, her bridal bower becomes a burial beir of bitter beauty."
		 -- Sondheim's "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum"
%%
"One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak."
				-- G. K. Chesterton, "The Hammer of God"
%%
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money
the most, are the very ones that never have it: Finley Peter Dunne
%%
Death is the best part of life. That's why they save it for last.
					-- Solomon Short
			-- Groucho Marx
%%
"Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral."
 -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
%%
There is no bigotry like that of "free thought" run to seed.
				 -- Horace Greeley
%%
Q:        How does a girl know she's sleeping with a Computer Scientist?
 A:        It isn't hard.
%%
The odds are a million to one against your being one in a million.
%%
Deadlock's Law: If the lawmakers make a compromise, the place where it will
be felt the most is the taxpayer's pocket.
%%
"Engineering meets art in the parking lot and things explode."
-- Garry Peterson, about Survival Research Labs
%%
A modem is a baudy house.
%%
Novices do it with instructions!
%%
Is your job running?  You'd better go catch it!
%%
It is the difference of opinion that makes horse races... Mark Twain
%%
 :-|	"have an ordinary day" smiley
%%
I want a meal, not a snack.
%%
When you're born, a big chance was taken for you.
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
She just lost ten pounds, she brushed her teeth.
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
Pablo Picasso paints by numbers
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
 -- Bill Murray
%%
Question from a job interview:
   "How well do you program under the influence of hard drugs?"
%%
Q:  If Tarzan was Jewish, and Jane was a princess, what would Cheetah be?
A:  A fur coat.
%%
Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
%%
GIGO: Garbage in, Gospel out.
%%
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
%%
May you have many beautiful and obedient daughters.
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
Button: When I was young, we didn't have MTV. We had to take drugs and go to
concerts..
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
Every dog should be a domesticated one.
%%
Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
%%
I HAVE to buy a new ``DODGE MISER'' and two dozen JORDACHE
 JEANS because my viewscreen is ``USER-FRIENDLY''!!
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
Reality police.
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
Lady Astor:                "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee."
 Winston Churchill:        "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
				 -- Mark Twain
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.
			 -- Fyodor Dostoyevski (1821-1881)
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
Love someone. Anyone.
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
DAY MODE  See PHASE (of people).
				-- From the AI Hackers' Dictionary
%%
Q:        How does a mink get babies?
 A:        The same way babies get minks.
%%
A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than
expected; a carefully planned project will only take twice as long.
%%
Like, wow. Have a nice day, ok?
%%
A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.
		--Herodotus
%%
When pleasure remains, does it remain a pleasure?
%%
Apologists do it orally!
%%
RATTLESNAKE, n.  Our prostrate brother, _Homo ventrambulans_.
	-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
%%
Like, wow. Have a nice day, ok?
%%
Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be
chewed and digested...  Sir Francis Bacon
%%
We will release no software before its time.
%%
Remember: The ocean is full of water. Why?
  We'll probably never know.
%%
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
					-- Laurence J. Peter
%%
Motives are invisible...But they are the true test of character.
%%
Reporters do it daily!
%%
Remember that no time spent with your children is ever wasted.
	-- H. Jackson Brown, Jr. - "Life's Little Instruction Book, Volume II"
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves.
					-- Virginia Woolf
%%
*** glibc detected *** double free or corruption (!prev): 0x0804b410 ***
Wasn't it Roseanne Barr who said, "It ain't over 'til I sing"?
%%
Is it progress if a cannibal uses a fork?
					- Stanislaw J. Lec -
%%
'Facts are stupid things.'
  - Ronald Reagan
%%
Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.
-- Marge, ``When Flanders Failed''
%%
Singing is a trick to get people to listen to music for longer
 than they would ordinarily.
%%
Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.
%%
There was a young girl from Peru
 Whose limericks stopped at line two.
%%
FLASH!  Intelligence of mankind decreasing.  Details at ... uh, when the
little hand is on the ....
%%
Etc: An abbreviation used to make believe you know more than you do.
					       -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
History always repeats itself: once as tragedy, the second time as farce.
%%
High energy physicists do it whenever they get a hadron!
%%
Nurses do it painless
%%
Farmers do it on a corn field!
%%
Friends may come and friends may go, but enemies accumulate.
					-- Dr. Thomas Jones
%%
You get what you pay for.
%%
Philadelphia just seems dull because it's next to exciting Camden, New
Jersey.
%%
Are you wearing clean underwear?
%%
Teddy Kennedy:        A Blond in Every Pond!
%%
Pain is just God's way of hurting you.
%%
"Garlic Gum is not funny"
	       -- Chalkboard in The Crepes of Wrath
%%
The eye sees not itself but by reflection, by some other things.
					-- Shakespeare
%%
"BART!"		-- Homer in almost every episode
%%
Vacuum cleaner - A collective noun.
 On a Texas restaurant menu - Remember the a` la mode!
%%
"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."
				-- Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Circles"
%%
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed:
Southern Californian Oracle
%%
MIRACLE       -- something that never happens in our generation.
%%
"Might as well be frank, monsieur.  It would take a miracle to get you
out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles."
%%
The first impression one gets of a new ruler and his brains is from seeing
the men he has chosen to have around him.
%%
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
%%
And now for something completely the same.
%%
An elven cloak is always the height of fashion.
%%
If you're speaking of worships of sorts, we represent many beliefs.
			 -- McCoy, "Bread and Circuses," stardate 4040.7
%%
Every revolutionary ends by becoming either an oppressor or a heretic.
			 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
%%
There once was a man from Purdue
Whose limericks would stop at line 2
%%
Poetry is when every line starts with a capital letter.
%%
Proctologist:  A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.
%%
I hear music!
%%
We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.
				-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
Welsh men only marry Welsh women because sheep can't cook.
%%
Parkinson's Third Law: Expansion means complexity and complexity, decay; or
to put it even more plainly -- the more complex, the sooner dead.
%%
The Android greets his friends politely And veils behind his lowered lids
the jealousy which plagues him nightly Because he can't have sex, or kids.
%%
Gardeners have 50 foot hoses!
%%
Philosophers do it for pure reasons!
%%
At the speed you type, we could be here forever !
%%
Trouble is only an opportunity in work clothes.
					-- Henry J. Kaiser
%%
Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
%%
Little nips of whiskey, little drops of gin,
Make a lady wonder where on earth she's bin.
%%
 :-D   User is laughing (at you!)
%%
I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old
Yeller, stay in the cellar."  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey [SNL]
%%
We are getting into semantics again.  If we use words, there is
a lot of relatives on the train for home.
%%
Knaves will thrive when honest plainness knows not how to live.
					-- Shirley
%%
May a giant warty purple guppy swallow your mother.
%%
You always find something in the last place you look.
%%
"Where did all those fucking indians come from" - General Custer
%%
Why should I have to pay a troll just to cross a bridge?
					-- B. G. Gruff
%%
Ed1na.
%%
There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
					-- James Thurber
%%
If graphics hackers are so smart,
 why can't they get the bugs out of fresh paint?
%%
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
%%
The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.
%%
REAPPRAISAL:
	An abrupt change of mind after being found out.
%%
He conquers who endures.
					-- Persius
%%
Laws of Programming:
 #10  - (Galvin's Law): Murphy was an optimist
%%
'Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.'
  - William F. Buckley
%%
'Creative minds always have been known to survive any kind of bad training.'
  - Anna Freud
%%
In language, clarity is everything.
			-- Confucius
%%
  IBM - I've Been Mugged
%%
It is hard to fly with the eagles
   When you work with the turkeys.
%%
'Put three grains of sand inside a vast cathedral, and the cathedral will be more closely packed with sand than space is with stars.'
  - Sir James Jeans
%%
A language is a dialect with an army and navy.
	-- Max Weinreich (1894-1969)
%%
Wow! I could've had a V/8!
%%
Laissez Faire Economics is the theory that if each acts like a vulture, all
will end as doves.
%%
Drugs are the scenic route to nowhere.
%%
"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
			   -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Women, cats, and golf: man was not meant to understand these things.
%%
Forgiveness is the answer.
%%
What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working
when he's staring out the window.
%%
Beware of death rays!
%%
The emptiness of a ghost is too heavy to bear.
%%
A solipsist is like the man who gave up turning round because whatever
he saw was always in front of him: Ernst Mach
%%
My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!
%%
Monsters come from nowhere to hit you everywhere.
%%
No man who needs a monument ever ought to have one: Nathaniel Hawthorne
%%
"In a word -- im-possible!" - "That's two words!"(T. Pratchett, Moving Pictures)
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
What's the difference between man and E.T.?
	E.T. phoned home.
%%
What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.
		--John Lilly
%%
Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught.
%%
Elevators always travel in groups. Only one of them knows the way.
					-- Solomon Short
%%
Mathematicians do it parallel and perpendicular!
%%
Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.
					-- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Bakers knead it daily!
%%
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
%%
I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes
on the same day.
%%
Remember, auditors always reject any expense account with a bottom line
divisible by 5 or 10.
%%
Button: My other button is funny.
%%
In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
are to be treated as variables.
%%
Money may not buy happiness,
 but it sure puts you in a great bargaining position.
%%
Hold!  Cease thy stultiloquy!  Oh, not daggers or swords or all the spears in
the world stung me greater than this rubbish you throw to the heavens!"
%%
In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong, will.
%%
 (:I   User is an egghead
%%
'A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.'
  - Elbert Hubbard
%%
Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP
 with the BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!!
%%
The Wh-words of English:
  Who, What, When, Where, How, and sometimes Why.
%%
In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong, will.
%%
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
 cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
%%
There is no music in space.
%%
If you want to put yourself on the map, publish your own map.
%%
Einstein rules relatively ok.
%%
A winner works harder than a loser and has more time; A loser is always too
busy to do what is necessary.
%%
Giant beetles make giant holes in giant trees!
%%
'Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.'
  - Eighth Law of Computer Programming
%%
'Never eat at a place called Mom's.  Never play cards with a man named Doc.  And never lie down with a woman who's got more trouble than you.'
  - Nelson Algren
%%
Never argue with a fool -- people might not be able to tell the difference.
%%
Avoid alliterations. Always.
%%
Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy.
					-- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Sometimes a fool makes a good suggestion.
	-- Nicolas Boileau (1636-1711)
%%
Philosophnrs go deep.
%%
I'm sure we can talk things out like civilized people.
					-- J. Wayne
%%
Meceanics do it from underneath.
%%
I believe every human mind feels pleasure in doing good to another. Jefferson
%%
There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not
 fill the world with suprise and horror. -- Maugham
%%
Rayburn's Rule
   If you want to get along, go along.
%%
Main's Law:
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough go grab a beer.
%%
"If you want to eat hippopatomus, you've got to pay the freight."
-- attributed to an IBM guy, about why IBM software uses so much memory
%%
There was a phone call for you.
%%
Charm is a way of getting a "yes" without having asked any clear question.
%%
"Mr. Spock succumbs to a powerful mating urge and nearly kills Captain Kirk."
-- TV Guide, describing the Star Trek episode _Amok_Time_
%%
There was a phone call for you.
%%
When the sun shineth, make hay.
%%
curses! may you be forced to grep the termcap of an unclean yacc while a herd
 of wild rogue emacs fsck your troff and vgrind your pathalias!
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
Q: What method of suicide is the best?
 A: Dying of old age: it takes the longest and most planning.
%%
Recollect: To recall with additions something not previously known.
		-- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Recursion is the root of computation since it trades description for time.
%%
Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open...
E.G. Leterman
%%
Any fool can tell the truth,
 but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.
%%
What is research but a blind date with knowledge?  -- Will Harvey
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
In his private heart no man much respects himself.
					-- Mark Twain
%%
Thaaaaaat's niiiiiice.
%%
There once was a man from Purdue
Whose limericks would stop at line 2
%%
Button: I haven't lost it -- it's been temporarily mislaid.
%%
The surest way to remain a winner
 is to win once, and then not play any more.
%%
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
%%
"When large numbers of men are unable to find work, unemployment results."
						      -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
Paladins do it good or not at all!
%%
You do well in speculation where land or anything to do with earth is
involved.
%%
Rotten wood can not be carved
 -- Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9)
%%
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.
%%
Peter's Placebo:  An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
					-- Laurance J. Peter
%%
You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
%%
He spent his last shilling on a purse.
%%
Communism means barbarism.
				 -- James Russell Lowell
%%
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.
	-- Victor Hugo
%%
"Dear Teacher: Please excuse the stink on Bill's clothes. We've been spraying
 the garden because it is full of  abnoxus incests."
%%
There once was a yarn about a girl named Pearl who was so wooly-headed
 she didn't have anything to nitwit.
%%
The length of debate varies inversely with the complexity of the issue.
					-- Robert Knowles
%%
Last time I was stoned, I tried to eat an airport.
%%
Every rose has a thorn as its friend.
%%
 :-q	smiley trying to touch its tongue to its nose
%%
Lead your lfe so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the
 town gossip.
%%
    "   double quote, quote, dirk, literal mark, rabbit ears
%%
For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
%%
In 1850 bed bugs were brought to the West by Buffalo Bill Cootie.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants
to go.
%%
Wasn't it Joan of Arc who said, "Is it just me or is it hot
in here?"
%%
Recursion is the root of computation since it trades description for time.
%%
Nothing spoils a confession like repentance.
				 -- Anatole France
%%
A project that is not worth doing is not worth doing well.
%%
In language, clarity is everything.
			-- Confucius
%%
Dreaming men are haunted men.
		--Stephen Vincent Benet
%%
I just DON'T understand human behaviour.
					-- C-3PO
%%
Button: There is no substitute for incomprehensible good luck.
%%
The honeymoon is over when a quickie before dinner refers to a short drink.
%%
A little rebellion is a medicine necessary for the sound health of government.
%%
Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come. Carl Sandburg
%%
A zygote is a gamete's method of producing more gametes.
     This may be the purpose of the universe.
%%
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
%%
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will
like.
%%
Button: TERMINATOR - The few, the proud, the machines.
%%
Strength lies not in defense but in attack.
			 - Adolf Hitler, "Mein Kampf", 1933
%%
Button: I don't see you, so don't pretend to be there.
%%
Political television commercials prove one thing: some candidates
 can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try someone else.
%%
Why did the chicken cross the road half way?
He wanted to lay it on the line.
%%
"Where does he get those wonderful toys?"
-- The Joker
%%
"The religion that is afraid of science dishoners God and commits suicide."
						 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
"Hey Groucho, the garbageman is at the door."
"Tell him I don't want any."
%%
Linus' Law:
	There is no heavier burden than a great potential.
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
Parkinson's Telephone Law: The effectiveness of a telephone conversation is
in inverse proportion to the time spent on it.
%%
Sociologists do it with class!
%%
In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
%%
Bricka bracka firecracka sis boom ba
Bugs Bunny, Bugs Bunny rah rah rah!
%%
Pardon me, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
%%
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
			 - Albert Einstein
%%
Engineers do it in sync!
%%
Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.
					-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
%%
It is not the disease but neglect of the remedy which generally destroys
life.
%%
Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.
%%
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure.
%%
CANONICALS, n.  The motley worm by Jesters of the Court of Heaven.
	-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
YEAR, n.  A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
	-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
Yawd [noun, Bostonese]:  the campus of Have Id.
		--Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
%%
Powerful - Hard to learn, dangerous to use.
%%
Conservative: One who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.
					-- Leo C. Rosten
%%
'If you cannot convince them, confuse them'
  - Harry S. Truman, U.S. President  (1884-1972)
%%
"The value of a profane thing lies in what it usefully does; the value
 of a sacred thing lies in what it is."		--W. H. Auden
%%
When I was 16, I thought there was no hope for my father.
 By the time I was 20, he had made great improvement.
%%
Hey, you've got a third eye!  Uh, never mind... it's just a spot of dirt in the
middle of your forehead.
%%
You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting
 incest and folk dancing.
%%
A certain amount of opposition is a help, not a hindrance.
Kites rise against the wind, not with it.
%%
Roger's Law: As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airliner en-
counters turbulence.
%%
Nature is the vicar of the Almighty Lord.
					-- Geoffrey Chaucer
%%
MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!
%%
Bounders get bound when they are caught bounding.
		--Ralph Lewin
%%
T-Shirt saying:  You can tell the men from the boys by the price of their
toys.
%%
A falling body always rolls to the most inaccessable spot.
					-- Theodore M. Bernstein
%%
A man in love is incomplete until he is married.  Then he is finished.
	-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
 :-v	talking head smiley
%%
Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
%%
When God shook the tree of life, all the nuts landed in California.
%%
You don't know what you're talking about do you?
%%
Dirksen's Version of an Old Saw
   The oil can is mightier than the sword.
%%
Future Product: CALCULATER - An adding machine for procrastinaters
%%
Thou hast seen nothing yet.
%%
For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
			 - Lord Byron, "Don Juan", 1818
%%
Button: For God, for country, and for no apparent reason.
%%
How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.
	-- Coco Chanel
%%
You play ball with us, and we'll stick the fucking bat up your ass.
%%
'God is dead, but fifty thousand social workers have risen to take his place.'
  - Dr. J. D. McCoughey
%%
Blaming society for your problems is like blaming clouds for rain.
%%
Baby On Board.
%%
Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today.
%%
DJs do it on request!
%%
Our actions are our own; their consequences belong to Heaven.
					-- Francis
%%
Q:  How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
 A:  None.  Astronomers prefer the dark.
%%
You may be the only person that knows just how special you are.
%%
No one whom you ask for help will see it either.
%%
We're free people.  We belong to no one.
		 -- Kirk, "The Gamesters of Triskelion," stardate 3259.2
%%
History does not repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.
%%
Button: I can't be overdrawn - I still have checks left!.
%%
Button: lim sqrt(3)=2 3-->4.
%%
An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard only one
side of the case. God has written all the books.
%%
Shall I compare thee to a Summer day?
 No, I guess not.
%%
Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
		--Euripides
%%
Half the things that people do not succeed in, are through fear of making
the attempt...  James Northcote
%%
T-Shirt saying: I'm not deaf. I'm ignoring you.
%%
Murray's Rule:
	Any country with "democratic" in the title isn't.
%%
Don't look now, but the woman in the moon is laughing at you.
%%
Only two things are infinite: the universe and human ignorance. -A. Einstein
%%
Olympic Aare hackretes do it in teams.
%%
It is easier to build a child than to correct an adult.
	-- Maria Montessori
%%
Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
%%
In 1933 the first carpenters banquet was held. They served a pound cake.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
THEED'S 1st LAW OF MANAGEMENT -- It dosen't exist.
%%
You feel like someone is pulling your leg.
%%
"If you don't read news.groups, the net appears to be a rather tranquil place."
				 -- Karl Lehenbauer, about Usenet
%%
Even if you could grow hair on a billiard ball,
 you couldn't comb it without a cowlick.
%%
Even if you could grow hair on a billiard ball,
 you couldn't comb it without a cowlick.
%%
Eng:    Thank you for not smoking.
Latin:  Tibi gratias agimus quod nihil fumas.
%%
A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's just forget the whole thing."
	-- Ferguson
%%
Still looking for the glorious results of my misspent youth...
 say, do you have a map to the next joint?
%%
'Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin-skinned people.'
  - Richard Armour
%%
..  Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS..
%%
PARK'S LAW OF TAXES AND INSURANCE:
 Whatever goes up, stays up.
%%
The sufficiency of my merit is to know that my merit is not sufficient.
					-- Augustine
%%
TWAIN'S TRUTH: Familarity breed children.
%%
Just think: how would Bugs Bunny have handled this?
%%
 ``If you are afraid   of loneliness, don't marry.'' --
Chekhov
%%
To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life.
		--Senator Edmund Muskie
%%
I, too, was a detective in youth.
		-- H. P. Lovecraft, 2/17/1931
%%
Q: How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat ?
A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
%%
Keep the number of passes in a compiler to a minimum.
		--D. Gries
%%
A camel is a horse designed by a committee.
%%
A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
%%
When a body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
	-- Bell
%%
'Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.'
  - Wilson Mizner
%%
Self-pity is a destructive, useless emotion.
%%
If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps.
%%
It's amazing how many people you could be
 friends with if only they'd only make the first approach.
%%
Home rules for Wales.
   And Moby Dick for king!
%%
The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
Support your right to bare arms!
%%
"I will not burp in class"
		-- Chalkboard in There's No Disgrace Like Home
%%
Keep humor alive and you stay alive longer too.
	-- Nellie Curtiss
%%
Memory fault -- core...uh...um...core...Oh dammit, I forget!
%%
Relax, Julie. Everyone will understand.
					-- Romeo
%%
MURPHEY'S CONSTANT:
 Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to it's value.
%%
Don't Worry, Be Happy.
		--Meher Baba
%%
'People will believe anything if you whisper it.'
  - The Whispered Rule
%%
We are all politicians.	 Some of us are just honest enough to admit it.
%%
No two persons ever read the same book.
		--Edmund Wilson
%%
Cox's Philosophy:
Life's a bitch, then you die.
%%
STANDARDS:
	The principles we use to reject other people's code.
%%
"Hawaii is a part of the United States that is an island and is right here."
-- Dan Quayle, while in Hawaii
%%
The Ninth Corollary to Murphy's Law:
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
%%
I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs -- like customs officials.
%%
Bachelors' wives and old maids' children are always perfect.
		--Nicolas Chamfort
%%
90 percent of everything is crud.	-- Theodore Sturgeon
%%
Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult.
%%
INTOXICATED:
	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
%%
Gilb's Second Law of Unreliability:
       Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
%%
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.
	-- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
It's from Casablanca.  I've been waiting all my life to use that line.
		--Woody Allen [Play It Again, Sam]
%%
Button: Judge me by my size, you will?.
%%
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
%%
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
The less your hope, the hotter your love.
%%
If you want to feal great, you must eat something real big.
%%
May you be held hostage for the release of the unknown soldier's grandmother.
%%
Reality is what bumps into you when you stand still with your eyes open.
					-- Solomon Short
%%
There's three sides to every story, yours, mine and the cold hard truth.
%%
Air pollution is a mist demeanor.
%%
Poetry is the eloquence of truth.
					-- Campbell
%%
HONOR:
	Almost as good as in 'er.
%%
Waiters and waitresses do it for tips!
%%
Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
%%
In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take a
man many months to equal it.
%%
When a woman behaves like a man, why can't she behave like a nice man?
	-- Dame Edith Evans
%%
Button: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for it makes them soggy and
hard to light.
%%
From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.
		--Bertolt Brecht
%%
Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.
	-- G. J. Danton
%%
We presume none sins unless he stands to profit by it.
			 -- The Talmud (Baba Metzia, 5 b.)
%%
  IBM - It's Being Mended.
%%
Have you hugged anyone today?
%%
"The future exists first in imagination, then in will, then in reality."
		--Barbara Marx Hubbard
%%
No one should hide their true self behind a false face.
					-- L. Chaney
%%
When a fellow says "It isn't the money, it's the principle of the thing" - it's
 the money.
%%
Girls mean well. Try to understand.
%%
Old bureaucrats never die, they just waste away.
%%
The reason people get lost in thought is because it is, to many, rather
unfamiliar territory.
%%
T-Shirt saying:  Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the
impossible.
%%
Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
 -- Henry Spencer, University of Toronto Unix hack
%%
Button: I don't believe in no-win scenarios.
%%
Train a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart
 from it.
%%
Bring out your dead.
	 -- Ian, DALEK INVASION OF EARTH
%%
People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.
					-- Will Rogers
%%
Bing's Rule:
	Don't try to stem the tide -- move the beach.
%%
Thou hast seen nothing yet.
%%
'Never look at data on a Friday night. It can spoil your weekend.'
  - The Party Principle
%%
If winning isn't important, why keep score?
%%
In 1920 the franking priviledge was used for Capitol letters.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
In 1898 young Albert Einstein applied for admission to the Munich Technical
Institute, but was turned down on the grounds that he "showed no promise" as a student.
%%
May you daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.
%%
To every action there is always opposed an equal reaction.
	-- Sir Isaac Newton
%%
Want fun? Throw a potion in a pool and go swimming!
%%
To live is always desirable.
		-- Eleen the Capellan, "Friday's Child", stardate 3498.9
%%
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the
bull by the tail and face the situation -- W. C. Fields
%%
Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.
%%
Button: Neutral Greedy.
%%
'I was probably the only revolutionary ever referred to as "cute."'
  - Abbie Hoffman
%%
Nurse!  I spy gypsies!  Run!
%%
Legalize vandalism!!
%%
The purpose of freedom is to create it for others.
					-- Bernard Malamud
%%
Show your affection, which will probably meet with a pleasant response.
%%
A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
%%
core error - bus dumped
%%
I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear.
%%
I selected E5...  but I didn't hear ``Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs''!
%%
To the landlord belong the doorknobs.
%%
You are Number Six.
%%
Holy Zarquon's singing fish!
%%
There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
 would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
%%
Most women look for a man who is tall, dark and hung some.
%%
Long computations that yield zero are probably all for naught.
%%
No is no negative in a woman's mouth.
		--Sidney
%%
Sex is dirty only if it is done right.
		-- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
Did I do an INCORRECT THING??
%%
For a good time, call 642-9483
%%
The way to fight a woman is with your hat.  Grab it and run.
%%
"MTV.  An obedient tongue licking the shiny leather boot of rock and roll."
-- MTV commercial
%%
Albrecht's Law:
       Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.
%%
SORRELL'S INVESTMENT PRINCIPLE:
 Never invest in anything that eats.
%%
"God is as real as I am," the old man said.  My faith was restored, for I knew
that Santa would never lie.
%%
Old hackers never die: young ones do.
%%
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget
it.
%%
An eclipse of the Earth occurs when you put your hands over your eyes.
%%
"Government sucks."
-- Ben Olson
%%
What is that? I know that object!
	 -- Cyberleader, EARTHSHOCK
%%
In the old days, we had wooden ships ruled by iron men.	 Now we have
steel ships and blockheads running them. Capt. D. Seymour
%%
TV:   I'd like to solve the puzzle.  `Three Loins in the Fountain'.  [buzz]
-- Wheel of Misfortune, ``Homer Defined''
%%
The Fourth SNAFU Equation:
       Interchangeable devices won't.
%%
The meek will inherit the earth; the rest of us will go to the stars.
%%
I do enjoy a good long walk--especially when my wife takes one.
%%
If A fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.
		--William Blake
%%
Professor -- one who talks in a students' sleep.
%%
For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
%%
Polymer physicists are into chains.
%%
Button: Cogito Ergo Spud - I think, therefore I yam.
%%
One of the best automobile insurance policies is a Sunday afternoon nap.
%%
I can't mate in captivity.
	-- Gloria Steinem on why she has never married.
%%
For a good time, call 8367-3100.
%%
Ade's Law:
Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry.
%%
JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach
 their level of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING...
%%
The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
					-- Mark Twain
%%
LISP hackers are thweet!
%%
Make each pronoun agree with their antecedent.
%%
I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
%%
'Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.'
  - Unknown
%%
All a hacker needs is a tight PUSHJ, a loose pair of UUOs, and a warm place to
shift.
%%
Button: Mr. Wesley Crusher, would you please report to the airlock.
%%
 :-6	smiley after eating something sour
%%
'Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply... For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much.'
  - Alan Paton
%%
"'My country right or wrong' is like saying, 'My mother drunk or sober.'"
-- G. K. Chesterton
%%
Button: There's always the temptation to let other people think you're normal
%%
Corollary:    On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike
	      your toes.
%%
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did
to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
'High thoughts must have high language.'
  - Aristophanes
%%
Bounders get bound when they are caught bounding.
		--Ralph Lewin
%%
I wish Frank Sinatra would just shut up and sing.
					- Lauren Bacall -
%%
You shot the Wumpus!
%%
Desperate men do desperate things.
%%
If it is Tuesday, this must be someone else's cookie.
%%
Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful. - Ben Franklin
%%
'And [The Lord] shouldest destroy them which destroyeth the earth.'
  - Revelation 11:18
%%
Never buy anything electrical from the flea market.
	-- H. Jackson Brown, Jr. - "Life's Little Instruction Book, Volume II"
%%
Bit rate  - how often you are bitten
			-- Data communications glossary
%%
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly want to keep.
					-- Alan Atwood
%%
"The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a necessity."
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
'Electrocution, n.: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.'
  - Unknown
%%
A language is a dialect with an army and navy.
	-- Max Weinreich (1894-1969)
%%
Authority:  A person who can tell you more than you really care to know.
%%
Don't be an agnostic -- be something.     -- Robert Frost
%%
'My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.'
  - Errol Flynn
%%
Many would be cowards if they had courage enough: Thomas Fuller
%%
Hidden talent counts for nothing... Nero
%%
"Don't break it if you can't fix it."
%%
In 1940 Charles Atlas joined the circus. He carried the whole show.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
%%
As God is my witness, Andy, I thought that turkeys could fly.  -- WKRP
%%
You know how to win a victory, Hannibal, but not how to use it.
%%
The United States Army: 211 years of proud service, unhampered by progress.
%%
Nothing succeeds like excess.
		--Oscar Wilde
%%
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.
%%
Use debugging compilers.
%%
Earthquake - A topographical error.
%%
Pharmacists do it Over The Counter!
%%
"Since I gave up hope, I feel a lot better."
				-- Steve Taylor
%%
A God alone can comprehend a God.
					-- Young
%%
Peace - a period of cheating between two periods of fighting
%%
Three things cause sorrow to flee: water, green trees, and a beautiful face.
%%
What the hell's going on up there, Jim? Sick Bay is in a state of chaos!
%%
A record of data is essential: it shows you were working.
%%
Baseball players hit more home runs!
%%
We're gonna go to the mall and window shoplift...
%%
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
			 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Persons disagreeing with your facts are almost always emotional and employ
faulty reasoning.
%%
Time to be aggressive.  Go after a tattooed Virgo.
%%
Prince Charles and Lady Di do it royally!
%%
Useful knowledge is a great support for intuition... Charles B. Rogers
%%
I'd like to live like a poor man with lots of money.
					 -- Pablo Picasso
%%
Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.
%%
"You stay here, Audrey -- this is between me and the vegetable!"
-- Seymour, from _Little Shop Of Horrors_
%%
'A young man with good health and a poor appetite can save up money.'
  - James Montgomery Bailey
%%
Don't tell your friends your faults.  They will correct the fault and
 never forgive you.
%%
Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
%%
Misery only LIKES company. It prefers loneliness.
					-- Solomon Short
%%
Why did the chicken cross the road?  He was giving it last rites.
%%
God didn't create the world in 7 days.	He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th.
%%
Button: It's not easy being this cute.
%%
Supercompetence is more objectionable than incompetence.
%%
Q: How many Zen monks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four. One to screw in the light bulb.
%%
The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
 -- Andy Warhol
%%
A Renaissance man diffuses to refine himself.  -- Steve Hug
%%
In 1930 rubber gloves were first used. People found them very handy.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
Have faith, though it be only in a stone, and you will recover.
%%
Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's new
lover.
%%
No, Luke. I am your father.
%%
Socialism is bureaucracy of the people, by the people, and for the people.
%%
Why do divorces cost so much?
-- Because they're worth it! --
%%
'No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve...'
  - William Shakespeare: Mercutio, "Romeo & Juliet",  Act III, scene I,
%%
Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers which smell bad.
					-- Mr. Spock
%%
It was an adult who did it.
		 -- Wesley, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit
them on the head.
%%
The American people aren't interested in details.
					-- Lyn Nofziger
%%
In 1940 Charles Atlas joined the circus. He carried the whole show.
				 -- "On This Day in History"
%%
I am not a crook.
%%
Work Rule: Office employees will daily sweep the floors, dust the furniture,
shelves, and showcases.
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
		--Mark Twain
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The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
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Phasors locked on target, Captain.
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Littering is dumb.
		--Ronald Macdonald
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You can get a new lease on life.  Now if you only can come up with the first
and last month's rent.
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There is a scarcity of friendship, but not of friends.
	-- Thomas Fuller
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Wiker's Law:
	Government expands to absorb all available revenue and then some.
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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice
 ...but in practice, there is.
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You will be misunderstood by everyone.
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'It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.'
  - Harry S. Truman
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A great fortune is a great slavery.
					-- Seneca
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Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
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My other computer is also a Unix system.
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Allen's Axiom:
	When all else fails, read the instructions.
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You smash it - and I'll build around it.
					-- John Lennon
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I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto.
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Sufficient unto the day is the drivel thereof.
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Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
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Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
	-- Immanuel Kant
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Intelligence is the refusal to accept the accepted.
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Men are but children of a larger growth.
					-- Dryden
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Ensign Mendon. You may impress me.
		 -- Worf, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
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 ``Woman inspires us   to great things, and prevents us
from achieving them.'' -- Dumas
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